Forgotten Apocalypse: New Barbarians

[00:00:00] The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the video arena. The television screen is the retina of the mind's eye. Therefore, the television screen is part of the physical structure of the brain.

[00:00:29] All right. Welcome back once again to The Outer Reels where we talk about old forgotten movies and apparently an entire year's worth of post-apocalyptic movies. I'm going outside of our variety. I'm Sam as always. Jason is here to endure. Hello. And it's good to see you, Jason. Good to see you. It's been a while again. It has been a while.

[00:00:54] Tonight we were watching The New Barbarians from 1983 or Warriors of the Wasteland depending on where you were, where you grew up, where you watched it, what video copy was your store. But I believe the official title is Warriors of the Wasteland based off that is the IMDB listing. Um, sure. Although I see it as New Barbarians. Yeah, you may be on pro it's, uh, it's Warriors of the Lost World or whatever.

[00:01:24] Well, there you go. Yeah. So we have two. Warriors of the Wasteland. Yeah. Yeah. This one, uh, the regular IMDB shows New Barbarians and then, uh, there's a trailer beside it where it says New Barbarians and in brackets underneath Warriors of the Wasteland. So, uh, and I watched this on Fossum where it was known as Warriors of the Wasteland.

[00:01:53] So there you go. Yeah. Yeah. The one, the version that I watched says New Barbarians in text and then under in brackets, it says Warriors of the Wasteland in the title sequence. Did yours, yours must've had that in the title sequence. Um, I don't remember. It was, and in my defense, it was three hours ago. Yeah. Right. There's just no way there's two different digital copies of this movie flying around. Yeah. No, you know what? I'm pretty certain it did say Warriors of the Wasteland. But, uh, so yeah. Yeah.

[00:02:22] All of that said, uh, what is this movie, Jason? Um, it's probably the gayest movie we've ever watched. And I say that having watched human animals with you. Yeah. No, there's a, they double down on the gay in this movie and they do. I think 1983 is impressive. And, uh, although I guess cause they're gay, they're evil, but, um, it was, uh, yeah, you know, it's, uh, it's, it's, it's just a bunch of, uh, yeah, it's just a bunch of, uh, it's just a bunch of, uh, uh,

[00:02:51] scenes of stuff. Like there's, there's very little story to this. Um, I don't know how I could describe it. I, I, the movie could be even shorter if they didn't reuse a bunch of shots at the end of the movie. Yeah. That caught me as well. It's like, wait, what? Yeah. It's like, guys, you just showed this to us 42 seconds ago. You can't reuse them that quickly. So anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have a log line for, or a, uh, a good log line for this one. Cause it's just.

[00:03:17] It's well, I have a, I love a lot of things that I find funny about this movie and quirky and silly, but including, well, the overuse of silver spray paint is one thing. And then the other thing is the amount of acrylic in this movie. It's just incredible. Yeah. And so what I ended up having was George Eastman. Once again, welcome back.

[00:03:39] George Eastman heads up a group of, this is an all-star of our post-apocalyptic movies. We'll get into it, but this is, yeah, this is like, uh, like a seventies battle of the network stars when it comes to our post-apocalyptic movies. Yeah. There, it all came down to this one really, didn't it? Um, George Eastman heads up a group of post-apocalyptic gay soldiers whose outfits better resemble something from space balls.

[00:04:04] Yes. And the director, I, the way I pictured this is them taking the director and they just walk him up to a quarry and they're like, here's three dune buggies. Here's a pile of football armor, a truck bed full of silver spray paint. And the producer like pulling on his cigar, looks at his watch and he's just like, we'll be back in five days. We expect you to have a finished movie. They just like leave it there.

[00:04:27] Pretty much. There's three locations in this movie. They use the same quarry over and over again. It's, uh, yeah. Yeah. But I gotta say, uh, for the first time in a long time, this is the perfect movie to be playing in the background on a TV at a party. It's visually pretty fun. Yeah. Yeah, it is. There's always something quirky and weird to look at. It wants to be a road movie. It's not.

[00:04:50] It is just like all of these other movies where it's just a movie. That's just a rule of threes where you have three attacks and the first two attacks, bad guys win. And the third one, they don't. There's three hostage situations and the first two go bad. And then it's just all of that real basic cookie cutter, one page filmmaking rule list of bullet points. Like make sure you include all these things and it'll be a movie.

[00:05:18] The official IMDB plot summary is however, nowhere near as exhausting as my description. Quote two mercenaries help wandering caravans fight off an evil and aimless band of white clad bikers after the nuclear Holocaust. And I laughed about that. Even this description says aimless. I have to imagine that's a user submission. Um, but, but usually what's, what's crazy is when it's a user submission on a movie that is somewhat large like this.

[00:05:48] It means that it means that it never had an actual plot summary to begin with. So, but they were cranking these things out. They didn't even go that far. I said, this is a movie where we've seen it all before, especially in the last 42 weeks of watching these movies.

[00:06:04] Yes. But when I say we've seen most of these people before, that's right. When I say we've seen most of this movie before, I think visually this, as you said, this is a good one for a party because it is a little more original. Like it's not better in production value or anything. And it's hokey in all the right ways.

[00:06:25] Yeah. But this attempt to have everybody wearing like white and literally every single thing. I, I'm not even joking where every single component in this movie is spray painted silver, every single thing. And it's like going with this aesthetic.

[00:06:42] I want to talk about right off the top, like, cause we get our prologue or like a voiceover and stuff that I'm sure you get to, but they do this panning shot of all these, like their hazmat suits, I guess, or space suits or something with just skeletons inside.

[00:06:57] But one of the first ones we see is these two holes that are clear for breasts. And it's like, I mean, I'm sure these are being reused from something. This looks like a straight out of like a Barbarella or something. These looked cool. These looked way cooler than everything else in the movie space.

[00:07:19] Yeah. They got a little creative with it. And, um, you know, obviously cause they were just sort of slapping these things together, but they do a long pan off of one and you see like the, the legs and everything else. It's just like this chest with these two breast slots. It's so funny. Clear holes that are not designed to hold breasts comfortably. I should say they look like it would be uncomfortable as hell. And they would fog up in a second. It doesn't make sense, but this is leaning on the theme of how much acrylic and this is in this damn.

[00:07:49] And I just keep thinking, wow, there's so much of it, but that tracking shot at the start. Yeah. It's actually one of the better production shots in the movie. It starts in a wreckage and it pulls out and it pans across the ground. And we see this, it's a really cool looking space suit and there's like a burned leg in it. And as it pans up. Yeah. You see it. And it's just these two giant bubble, like I said, a lot of acrylic in this movie, a lot of bubble domes, everything has bubble domes on it. And then the space for no reason.

[00:08:18] No, not at all. And I was just cracking up that that was the choice of space suit they put in the foreground. At that point, I was like, they're having a lot of fun making this. They must've been laughing doing this like back then. And that's like what? Three, I don't know, 30, 40 seconds in. Like it's just right off the top. But. Well, the opening shot's this cool model. Like I find it wild that they built a model for this, for that opening shot. Because that is a model. Yes.

[00:08:48] That's not a painting. Thank you. And it should just be a painting for what they do. But, you know, then they show a missile coming in and a mushroom cloud exploding in the background. And then like a tank fog effect happening. I know that's, that's what got me with the model of the city. It's like a wide shot of the city, but it's an optical shot because you can see the film stabilization isn't, they didn't quite get it right.

[00:09:12] And the two halves of the plates are chattering. And I was like, why would this be a model? Like, that's what I was asking at first. I was like, why would you make this a model? Just shoot a plate. And then I see the cloud tank come in, in the top of the shot and it makes all the smoke. And we've talked about it before, but a lot of you guys. But because it's in the, in the top of the shot though, it's like, it didn't need to be a model. It still could have just been a paint. It still could have been on a picture. I totally agree.

[00:09:35] Yeah. And for those of you guys, I think most of our listeners know a cloud tank, but cloud tank stuff was very popular effect where they would take literally a tank of water or take a glass tank, like a fish tank full of water or oil, like a clear solution.

[00:09:52] And then take pumps or syringes or whatever you want and inject like cream for clouds. Or sometimes you want something like really spiritual looking, you would just inject like black ink or other black solution. And I worked on a movie that did this a couple of years ago with black ink. It was quite cool. Yeah. They just did it in a fish tank. It's still a common thing. It happens. It does have a look and a feel, but we always like the cloud tank stuff, all the practical stuff.

[00:10:20] Yeah. Totally. But, uh, before we get too far into the nuts and bolts of this box office juggernaut, as we know, um, we should go back and talk about who made it. So you want to welcome back to the other reels? Enzo G Castellari, Castellari, Castellari, Castellari, Castellari. Castellari. Yeah. We do want to welcome him back. I am drinking strong beer tonight. I'm warning you all now. So we haven't, uh, we haven't had him on the show since we covered Broncos.

[00:10:50] Broncos Warriors and Escape from the Bronx. But what's great about that is that to give you a timeline of those, this movie being made in 1983. Remember 1990 Bronx Warriors was 1982. And I know some people get confused. It's not the year 1990 was made. The title of the movie is called 1991 Bronx Warriors from 1982. And then its sequel, of course, was Escape from the Bronx, which was also in 1983.

[00:11:15] So our director was making both these movies or cranked both of these out in the same year. And so he made this essentially, it has a different and earlier release date. So you can say this was made between both of the Bronx movies. Yeah. But speaking of the Bronx movies without ever talking about it, I have to give a shout out to rest in peace to Mr. Vic Morrow. Anytime I think about those movies, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry and apologetic that Kathleen Kennedy was directly responsible for killing you and two children with a helicopter.

[00:11:45] Everything he can to get fired from Ireland. I don't care at this point, whatever. It happened. It was real. Vic Morrow is dead. Yeah. And unfortunately it was for the Twilight Zone movie, which I do remember enjoying in theaters, but not the greatest movie. Well, I think the worst part about it as always in anything is that it's clear that nothing's worth dying for.

[00:12:12] But on top of that, it's just a horrible collection of poor decisions and long days and late night shooting and all the other stuff that comes with it. And yeah, just wasn't a good movie. Speaking of the movie I'm working on right now is still shooting. So if I get interrupted, you know why. So there you go. Yeah. But that's it. It's like, yeah, it's like all the stress and everything that comes from all this crap that we do.

[00:12:42] It's none of it's worth it. It's like when, when the day's over tomorrow's another day, like it's just, there's never a point where anything should be pushed or stressed to that level. No, no. And, and well, the problem is, is at our age too, like I turned down a movie this week because they didn't want me to work with a coordinator and they wanted to pay me lower than my normal rate. I'm just like, come up a little bit and I can bring my coordinator. It's like, no, our model doesn't support a coordinator. It's like your model doesn't support me.

[00:13:12] So yeah, it's like at a certain point I am, your show is not worth my working on. And so I, it's, it's so true though, too, because like, I remember in my late twenties, like the stuff that I was doing and working on and, and you sleep at the office and you're up till three or four in the morning or you drive home for one hour and you drive back. Like all the dumb stuff. And I have nothing great to show for it. There's nothing where I'm like every single one of those movies. I'm not like, man, that was worth it.

[00:13:42] You know, that was worth staying up. That was worth beating myself to death for. At, at mainframe here, I mean, you know, we're going back 25 years now cause I worked there before you did. Right. But, uh, Jordan Scott and I pulled along with a few others. A couple of times we pulled literally, uh, 22 or 24 hour shifts. Yeah. To get something out the door. Right.

[00:14:05] I remember going in at like being in a work, being in the office at 9am and I'm literally a 10 minute walk from home because I live close to the office. And I didn't go home again, I think until eight 30 the next morning or something like that. Like it was just, and we were just up all night. No, I, and it's like, yeah, I remember doing stuff 24, 30 hours or whatever. We're there and you're taking a nap on the couch and we're trying to get a screening ready. This was back when we'd have to lay the tape and then it would crash.

[00:14:35] Like, cause you're doing playback out of the Avid. Right. And then, so, cause you're crash recording and then something to freeze or something to hammer and all this bad stuff would come up. It was so stressful and so exhausting and we're not better off because of it. Like, that's the worst part. Like, and what's, what's also dumb about that stuff is like, oh, I didn't even learn anything. You know, like there's, there's nothing that was gained from that stupid amount of hours where I'm like, oh, you know what?

[00:15:02] Next time this means that I won't have to spend this much time doing it because the changes all come into the 11th hour and everything. And you come in and you get halfway through, everybody's tired. So you've watched the movie 10 times over and then you start laying it to tape and you miss a transition or something. Cause you're all tired and you're like, oh, I've got to read all that dumb stuff. Of course. Yeah. It's, it, yeah. And, and, you know, like I'm talking about, I know what happened at least twice that I did that with those movies. I don't remember even what they were. Right.

[00:15:32] I don't remember what those movies were. Yeah. So I remember us going into like the online suite. Uh, it was like Christmas Eve or something and they made us work for a few hours. So we went in at like 10 AM and watch, cause there's nothing to do. Watched and three quarters of the office is closed and we're just still there because we needed to be there in case something happened. But yeah, we go to the online suite, we watch Napoleon Dynamite. We're cracking beers at 10 30 in the morning because it was like, then that's what I remember.

[00:15:58] And we, and that movie at the time was the funniest thing I'd ever seen because it was just like, we're hanging out, we're cracking beers and, you know, killing time. And it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, the, uh, the, like the regular clock of when it's acceptable to bust out a cocktail or something goes all out the window. It's like air airport travel at that point with, with something like that. Once you've gone that far in and. Yeah.

[00:16:24] Well, my, my first job was as a telecine assistant doing dailies on, on a bunch of shows. And we had a pub in the middle of the second floor. I'm sure I've talked about this before, but I would go in and Friday mornings, we would all, we'd get a beer and it would be, you know, eight, eight 30 in the morning. And the day shifter coming in and getting their coffee and going, what are you guys doing? It's like, I haven't up since three 30 yesterday afternoon. So I'm having a beer and then I'm going to bed. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:16:52] It's like anybody who works in the mines or anything like that. It's like, you see somebody at the gas station at 7. AM buying a 12 pack. And it's just like, man, good luck, buddy. Like, you know, the dude's been up all night working somewhere. So, or that's a dude headed for the airport. Cause you should always be able to drink no matter what time it is in an airport. Right. Anyways. Uh, yeah. I guess we'll talk about your damn movies. I, I think what I'm just getting at is, is that.

[00:17:18] The amount of effort that we put into these things and however hard you work. Doesn't ever feel like the movie's better for it. It feels like it's always a bunch of compounded poor decisions that pushes out the timeline and you have to scramble and you're still delivering the same thing. And it, that's the sad part about it is that the, the movie doesn't benefit and everybody's

[00:17:45] tired just from dumb decision-making or poor planning. Well, at a certain point that the long hour, you can't produce something good at a certain point because you can't think straight. Just, you can't function properly. And all it does is foster an attitude of not caring. So. I, I remember one movie. This is my last thing before we get on there. I remember one movie particularly. And I was so tired and we'd been working all week to try and get this new cut. It was all in storyboards. We had a couple of shots in layout, but everything was boards.

[00:18:16] And I was reassembling. The movie from. The storyboard sequences that the two picture editors had. Put together, like they updated and we'd redrawn some boards and stuff like that. And they're all went home and they're like, okay, just. They're like, we're done. We've done our cuts, assemble it, lay it off the tape. We're going to screen it to, uh, the investors and the director and everything tomorrow. Okay. Easy.

[00:18:42] All you got to do is string out the sequences, lay it off the tape in the machine room. And we're done. I'll be home by 11 o'clock. So. We have a bunch of problems laying the tape and the Avid locking up and it's freezing and coming up and like doing the screw it. We'll do it live. And that's why I'm like crash recording the sequences to the tape and the machine room. Oh no. Yeah. And I'm like, it doesn't matter. So I get it. And then it's done. And I'm like, okay. Like I put the tape back in. I watched the whole thing in the machine room on one of the tiny monitors. Right.

[00:19:12] Everything's buzzing. I can't hear it. I'm watching the levels. And I'm like, it's like four or 5. And I'm like, screw it. I'm going to bed. I lay down on the couch in my office, 7. AM. Everybody gets in. And then I'm like, yep. Tape's done. And then one of the editors is like, why is it an hour and 52 minutes long? I was like, I don't know. And then they're all like, what? We couldn't have grown that much. And then like, we're all like trying to add up all the sequences that were cut.

[00:19:40] And they're like, no, I mean, we added a few boards, but not why is it this long? And then anyway, I cut one sequence in twice back to back. Like I rewatched it and I sat there and I didn't even notice that like a seven minute sequence play back one after the other. And it's like, that's how far you are. It's like, God damn. It was like. Oh, I remember in a tape room running dailies for some show. And this is back in the day we would do VHS tapes and we'd be running 40, 50 tapes. Oh yeah.

[00:20:10] Put on a, you know, put their box up and then ship down to LA every night. And, uh, and apparently I, um, had to restart my dub run for some reason. And, um, you know, I got like eight or nine minutes in and realized I had made a mistake. And I guess I forgot to rewind the VHS tapes. And just so like the next day, the coordinator is like, get this email. So Jason, um, on your show last night, whichever one it was.

[00:20:37] And like everyone managed to watch your dailies and then they would rewind, watched it rewind and then start again. Like after nine minutes. They were watching that. So there'll be, so someone to be in LA is watching this videotape and they get like nine minutes into their dailies from the day before shooting on something. And, um, I don't even remember what it was, probably some Fox show of some kind. And, um, and they watch it all rewind and play again. It's just live crash recording. Yeah.

[00:21:07] And the irony of it is, is the guy who is now the coordinator used to be a, he was like a tape op forever on the shift that I was on and they were putting us on a rotating shift. So no one could get used to the graveyard and it would just be completely messed up. He was one of the guys who was permanently graveyard by choice. And it's like, how could this happen? I'm like, well, gee, I wonder, um, it's for one thing, I know you've done it before. Yeah. But, uh, second of all, obviously I did this, made this mistake. I am sorry.

[00:21:35] And it's one of those things is we would spot check, check things when we rewind them. So like we'd stop, we'd rewind, we'd check it like three spots and then it looks good. You go. I have. So there's, unless I happen to catch it in that rewind point, I'd have no idea that I would, I've made this mistake. Cause you're just making sure that everything's in sync. Yeah. And it was like, oops. No, I mean, and, and that's, that's the irony too, is that every single time you check something and you spot check it, you spot check it in a good spot.

[00:22:05] Oh yeah. Like, I'm like, oh yeah, spot checked. It looks great. And then three frames before I stopped and looked at it, there's a broken transition or something like that, or a media offline or something. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It happens. Anyway. So. Anyway. Back on this movie. This movie is not as bad as it warrants us digressing this much. No, we also haven't, uh, spoke for a week or two, so we haven't, uh, had a time. Yeah, there's that.

[00:22:32] But, uh, so back about our director Enzo Castellari. He was, he was born July 29th, 1938 in Rome, of course. And originally was given the opportunity, which I didn't know to direct zombie in 79. Oh wow. But he turned it down saying, you know, I'm not super keen on doing a horror film. And if I want to do it, it's going to cost this much. And then the producers stated he, I didn't find out how much he said that, but the producers

[00:23:01] basically said that what Enzo was asking for was an unrealistic budget for zombie. So that got punted over to Fulci and then that's history. And that's why that movie is great. So Enzo also referred to, as I like this known as the poor man's peck and paw, which I was like, that's great. Yeah. That's actually a very good title. Um, of course he got started off by working on films cause his father was a filmmaker. So he worked on sets and everything.

[00:23:29] So completely capable in, on the technology side of things and the ability, cause he spent a lot of time growing up behind the camera among some of his other flicks. So it's been a while since we talked about him. So I was just going to go over some of the stuff and he's very seasonal in his type of movies, his genres of movies. And it kind of tracks with the popularity. He's not somebody who just makes things that he wants to make. He makes things that are already sort of trending, you know?

[00:23:58] So he started out making Westerns like all good directors, but he's doing it in 1966. So he's later on the Western bandwagon. 1969, he gets into world war two films, of course, and he made Eagles over London, which I haven't seen in, I keep meaning to watch this and the poster for it is just incredible. But, um, it's, it's so hard to watch a new world war two movie or not a new, it's so hard to watch a world war two movie. I haven't seen when, where Eagles deer exists.

[00:24:28] Cause I just, that's like, if I'm watching a movie, that's what I'm going to watch. So into the early seventies, he gets into the Italian crime genre, which is of course a favorite genre of mine. Uh, I just love the music and the aesthetic of those movies. So he did heroin busters, which I'm certain I've brought up previously on the show at some point, which is true classic Italian crime has a great soundtrack, just glorious, like schluggy movie. He rounds out the decade with a couple of horror thrillers.

[00:24:57] Cause those are getting popular as well. And then once again, like all good directors, he brings in the 1980s with a bunch of apocalypse films, what we're talking about now, and then moves on to exactly. And then moves on to trying to do these big action jungle adventures like Rambo predator or everything else that was coming out, which was top dog at the time. Uh, he does a Sinbad movie with Lou Ferrigno or, or the Sinbad movie with Lou Ferrigno.

[00:25:25] I was going to say, yeah, Lou Ferrigno is Sinbad. As far as I'm concerned. Exactly. And then, uh, rounds out his career in the nineties with a bunch of TV miniseries. Final direct and credit in 2010 is called Caribbean bastards, spelled T E R D S not turds, but turds and which is, uh, like a low rated smuggling movie. I didn't spend much time looking into it, but, uh, it doesn't seem that appealing. Um, the other things I want to say about this movie.

[00:25:54] He did the original and glorious bastards though as well, right? Yes, exactly. Yeah. It's, and I wonder if because he worked on Caribbean bastards, that's why, um, Tarantino spelled it the way he did when in his glorious bastards. That's an interesting take. I didn't think about that. Yeah. Uh, it is worth mentioning that in glorious bastards movie, because I believe that is Fred Williamson's first entry into the world of Italian schlock.

[00:26:24] And as we known, we've talked about Fred Williamson a lot historically through these movies. Oh man. Outer Reels all star. Yeah, exactly. But what we did learn is when we were talking about, what was the talking bike movie? Uh, warlords of the wasteland. Hold on. I want to say no, cause this is warlords of the wasteland. Oh, this is warriors of the wasteland.

[00:26:51] Warriors of the wasteland. And learn that the reason he was doing those movies is because he loved living in Italy and he was just trying to come up with a way to get his visa renewed. So he was signing on to any movie that existed.

[00:27:21] So what's funny about that is because his start was with this director in, in glorious bastards turds. And so I think, and I think it's funny that it all comes back to that. And that's why Fred Williamson is in all these, as we mentioned, cause he was just like, I love Italy. I'm happy to stay here. I'll work on anything if you guys renew my visa. So that's why he did, but he was, he began his Italian career in that movie that was directed

[00:27:50] by our guy Enzo tonight. The linear footage of tinfoil used in this film might be the highest ratio ever. And you're laughing because I think that means you agree. Yeah, it's up there. I still wonder about, what was the hopping vampire movie we did? Oh, Legend of the Seven Golden Vampire? No, no, the other, the other one. Oh, the other hopping robo vampire. Robo vampire. Thank you.

[00:28:18] I wonder, cause I assume they have to keep recovering his hockey pads. That's true. Yeah. There's a lot, there's just so much tinfoil on this. Everything's covered. There's a van that's entirely covered in tinfoil and they're not even pretending it's not tinfoil, but we'll go with that thing. Cause they got like this pike on the end of one of their trucks and when it crashes through it, it is, I mean, it's, it's slightly stronger than tinfoil.

[00:28:46] It's, it's like on par with like one of those sort of Jiffy pop container things, but it's like, it's like a pie tin basically consistency. But yeah, it's just. It's amazing. Which is good because this is, you know, this was, this sort of pike was a piece of wood painted silver. So. Like everything else in the movie. And, and that again is part of the aesthetic and the appeal of this movie when you're watching it, it does look hokey, but it's consistently hokey in it. But it's fun.

[00:29:15] But it's sincere too, which helps. It's, um, yes. Yeah. It's, I mean, I, I can't say this is a bad film. I mean, it's a bad film, but I can't say I didn't enjoy it. No. So. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good time and it's, it holds its. We know Sam likes it. He's got soundtrack for God's sakes. Yes. That's right. Got a picture of that earlier. It's like getting ready for the record and he's like playing the soundtrack on. Yeah.

[00:29:44] I was priming myself by listening in the vinyl of that because the score for this movie is, is great. Claudio Simonetti. He is a wonderful composer. He's done a bunch of stuff. A lot of people would remember his score from demons from 1985, which is a standout, but he's done a bunch of stuff. But I got this old copy of that record from Mondo back when they were doing obscure Italian stuff. And I love it. It's just a great, it's a high energy, great sounding soundtrack. Yeah.

[00:30:11] The Mondo stuff makes me jealous that I'm not American sometimes. Like some of the stuff you could get because the shipping up here just becomes prohibitive at times. It's the same price as the record. So it's like, why? Yeah. You're just double. We might as well get actually into the movie. And like I said, the title sequence is an interesting choice because we do have this shot of the city, which is a miniature with the cloud tank stuff. And it's a split comp of two pieces of film.

[00:30:38] But what's weird is that it's only in the top left of the film. And then the credit. It starts full screen. Then it shrinks back. And then they run a big title down on the bottom and then the actors names and stuff on the, on the right hand side. It's, it's a weird choice. It's basically, we get all the opening credits are text on black, but in the top left is a picture and picture of this little miniature of the city.

[00:31:04] And I don't know if they thought when it was blown up, it looked hokey or something like that. I thought it looked fine. That's what I was thinking. And I thought it looked fine too, but I was thinking maybe they just didn't like it. Yeah. I mean, out of the rest of the aesthetic choices in this film, that's not the problem. I'll tell you that. And then we, of course, get our opening shot where we pan across some dead, what look like astronauts. And then there's the chick with the boob suit.

[00:31:29] That's a skeleton with acrylic boobs in the space suit, which is great. Yeah. It is a choice and it's funny. And then we get our one and simple title and it just says 2019 AD, AD, AD, the nuclear Holocaust is over. And I was like, that's it. There's no prologue. There's no voiceover. I was like, you're in for a treat. You don't have to hear me read one out tonight, but that was pretty easy.

[00:31:57] And so I was like, okay, this is exciting. We are now in a movie again in a year we've lived through. We could have used a bit of a prologue to explain the weirdness of this world, but whatever. Here long for the ride. Isn't that funny? Because it's like all of these movies, they overword these prologues and we're like, oh, this is such a groaner and it doesn't matter. And now this one comes around. I'm like, oh, I wish I knew how it came about. Yeah.

[00:32:26] Because you've just got these sort of bands of survivors and then you've got these guys running around. And what do they call themselves? Templars. Oh, Templars. Yeah. And it's just like, you know, eventually you kind of realize what's going on, but it takes a while to make sense of it. And usually in a movie like this, it's like, are you just told up front because no one wants to take the time to try and figure it out. Yeah. Or they don't have the time or budget to set this stuff up. And so they really need to spell it out.

[00:32:55] But they didn't, they didn't do that with us either. It just kind of comes out in little bits and pieces in the script. So after this panning shot of these dead bodies and the boob spacesuit, the camera pulls back wide. And I was like, oh, we're in a quarry. Like, yeah. Quarry. I thought that too. It's like right off the bat. First shot is a quarry. I love so much. Cause it was, it's a little, they must've shot this in the winter or the fall or something.

[00:33:24] Cause everything's a bit greener and wetter. And I was like, oh, this isn't like the typical post apocalypse movie we typically see. It was like, cool. And then the camera that just racks out and it was like, oh, nope, there's the quarry. So I did chuckle at three minutes. And I hope you like, yeah, I hope you like the quarry. Cause it's, it's one of relocations. Yep. Like all the other, these other movies, they just, they use it for so many different things. Yeah. This isn't the Philippines though. This is Italy for a change. Like this is just outside of Rome.

[00:33:54] Yeah. I was like, wait, Sirius H. Santiago is now in Italy filming this stuff. Yeah. Exactly how it felt. Cause it's the same quarry. It's the same stretch of highway that they are road that they use. And then there's sort of, there's like a, I guess another angle of the quarry maybe where you've got a bunch of equipment in the background and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the other side of the quarry. So I guess, yeah. Sorry. There's only two, two locations. Yeah. Yeah. The quarry and the other side of it. Yeah. Yeah. But I did think that's funny.

[00:34:23] It was three minutes, 55 seconds into the movie and we get that pullback. You're like, oh man. Our first establisher shot is a quarry. Yeah. And then we get introduced to presumably the good guys. And of course I was like, well, these are the good guys because they're all in like off whites and beige color clothes and everything else. And I was like, okay, well, this is how it always goes. And wearing light colors and walking around their little camp. But then their camp gets attacked by also guys. He's in all white. In all white.

[00:34:53] Yeah. I was like, wait a minute. It was like. And not only that, these guys all get the guys in the all, in the all white slaughter the other light color guys completely.

[00:35:32] Yeah. Templars, they got these giant like bowl, ball things on their shoulders. It's so goofy. They're just like padded shoulders, but they're literally, you could fit a bowling ball on each side. And every one of their vehicles is really hokey looking and it's just spray painted silver. It's just tube frame on old kit car doing buggies. And these guys saw Megaforce and said, oh, we can make that more. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:36:00] It's, it's, it's like everything just looks. I suspend belief in all these movies, but these vehicles look like the worst things you would ever want to use to travel around these lands in, in a practical manner. Like they're small, they're cramped, they're uncomfortable. Like there's, and then they're not even cool to look at. At least if it's cool.

[00:36:24] Like you look at like Immortan Joe's Gigahorse from Fury Road, where it's got the two 59 Cadillacs that are sectioned together. It's incredible. And it looks awesome. It's not very practical, but it doesn't matter because it's so rad. This stuff isn't practical, but it's also not rad. And they just look like they're in like these little circus cars and like just old goofy, like fiberglass, like kick cars, mail order. It's so dumb. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

[00:36:53] So this attack happens where these Templars are attacking the village and, or the little commune that the good guys have. It's basically a caravan in a circle. Like they literally circled the wagons. Yep. And they've parked and then they're sitting there and. But for some reason they're in the middle of the bottom of the quarry. It's like. Cause they may never leave. Because it's like, and you've got guys on lookout, I guess, looking up to the top of the cliff to make sure anyone's coming. But it's like at that point it's too late. Yeah.

[00:37:23] And when the, when the Templars attack, there's this synthesized sound from their cars to make them sound sci-fi. And then with the guns too. And with the guns as well. And, but again, it's just an old dune buggy that's like painted silver. And then there's a, there's so much silver spray paint in this movie. It, and then there's these like big 44 gallon plastic drums. They're actually the same drums that they breed the high gravity midgets in, in phantasm.

[00:37:53] It's the exact same plastic drum, but they're spray painted silver. So now they look like beer kegs. Yeah. And then they, then they crash through them and they're flying everywhere and stuff like that. And there's aluminum foil on the side of one of the vans and a bunch of tchotchkes on it. It's, it's, it's pretty low budget stuff.

[00:38:14] So the shootout with all these laser guns and then the bad guys, one bag on a dirt bike jumps the bed of one of the trucks just for only the sake. So somebody else can shoot him out of the air. Like there's no reason for him to jump the side of this truck. This is the format that this will be. There are a lot of stunts for the sake of being a stunt. Exactly. Yeah. But not in a cool way that we would get from. Well, anything we watched in our Australian season for the most part. So. Yeah.

[00:38:43] It's a, yeah. And then we see some of the gadgets they have on the cars, which I thought was a hoot. Like there's so many funny ones, but one of the great ones is on the side of one of the cars, the guy drops it down and it's like a blade that spins. And he runs a guy's down, runs a guy down and cuts his head off. And it was like the height for it is perfect. Like everything works out. Because the guy, the guy trips, right. As the car's heading towards him. And then he kind of sits up and turns his back just the right moment.

[00:39:12] And then like the dummy doesn't quite cut the head off though. It just kind of flops over.

[00:39:45] Yeah. leader of the templars he's he's the leader of the temple sorry yeah this uh this is Mako Mako this is yeah yeah which is Massimo Vanni again thank you I think a returning champion as well so um but Eastman is the head of the bad guys but he's not out on this mission no in your defense he does look a bit like Eastman he does um so Mako is heading up this attack on this

[00:40:13] thing but what I want again is they eradicate everybody basically in this caravan everybody's just dead and what what's weird so Eastman now shows up to the caravan after his lackeys have done the work and he's looking around at all the dead bodies and George Eastman picks up a bible and he looks at it and he rips it in half like a phone book like it's just a beast and he rips

[00:40:43] of course that's what started the apocalypse and then the templars as they are referred to he refers to them as ministers of revenge or something like that so there's a little bit of story here and that's about all we get and that's why I wanted to point it out because that's like the only moment they talk about what happened or how and when well there's a little bit yeah there's a bit more about the templars coming up as well but again it's it's only a tiny bit and it's where uh one is

[00:41:12] discussing with um shadow um because I think shadow wants to be wants to become the new one and but one has like uh decided it would be Mako or something right there's like a little bit there but it's never really explored or followed up or anything it's just kind of yeah you know well what's weird about all this is I was like I made a point in this because I was like this is 13 minutes

[00:41:40] in the movie all of the people we've been introduced to are now dead in the caravan and I was like we know exactly who the bad guys are but they just killed presumably all the good guys so I was like yes what it's it's like what's it's just weird to have this many minutes of a movie with nobody established that we don't have a hero yet yeah or a protagonist like anything and

[00:42:05] you know what actually does this well is the Michael Bay Friday the 13th and the first well so the the first 25 minutes of the film is these like three I think it's two girls and a guy I can't I can't remember but it's a couple of people who are being stalked they're camping and they're stalked by Jason and he's just decimating them and you think one of them's going to get away

[00:42:30] and they don't and then the last person gets killed and you're like whoa like and then the credits come up the title credit comes up and then we cut to a whole new scene with new people new everything and then the movie starts and it was actually kind of cool because you go to see a Jason movie because you want to see Jason like just rip and tear right and this was a really clever way where you get invested enough in the characters where you're like okay which one of these is going to survive who's

[00:42:58] going to ultimately defeat him or kill him and then they're all gone and then the movie just resets and I was like that that is a good example of what this I don't even think this is trying to do this but it just reminded me of it it's a way to have an expose of the villains being villains no and that's a smart way of starting a Friday the 13th movie because you're turning it on its edge like you're turning the genre on it on its side yeah doing something different with it's like one of the

[00:43:23] reasons why I love um cabin final or uh cabin in the woods oh it's fantastic yeah it's just like and the best part of cabin in the woods is the title card when it comes up because it's just two guys walking and talking in a hallway and then it's a jump scare oh yeah boom cabin in the woods with a music sting and stuff and I'm just like which is again also made me I I also thought of cabin in the woods because of this movie because they keep trying to do little jump sting scares yeah they

[00:43:52] suddenly cut to the the skull on the car or um or a gun or something and it's always a ting yeah thing and it's like what are you doing there is a little bit of that scary that style over substance where they cut back and forth with the hood ornament and stuff like that yeah I I can see again a movie like this inspiring people like Tarantino and everything else because it's just cool

[00:44:16] like it's it's low budget and it doesn't look great in the sense of the props but you're still just like that's awesome when you see the way it's cut together you just kind of enjoy it yeah um no this could have been a fun movie if it if it had you know probably a couple million more to do something decent but again the bones of it is that it's just this weird road movie where bad guys are chasing

[00:44:42] good guys and good guys are moving somewhere presumably only away from the bad guys they don't have a mission they don't have a goal and that's where it really falls flat but no and what I mean this is this is kind of the failure of the movie too is it could have they should have explained or explored the bad guys more because it's kind of interesting like they they literally want to exterminate mankind because they want to like purge the earth and they think all the

[00:45:08] mankind should be killed so they just like go around looking for survivors to slaughter them well and they call themselves the templars and that's very much what they do the templars originally found the first ufo and covered that up like this is a real historically this is how it worked they gobbled up all of history and art and information and kept it secret from everybody okay not not even close to what I said but thanks Sam

[00:45:37] 15 minutes into the movie and I promise I know we're an hour into our recording now and I promise you guys you want to sit through all this these these minute by minute plays because we're going to skip a lot here but I want to point out that so the 15 minute mark comes and then we finally meet our wanderer who is scorpion who's our main man played by I'm not even going to try and pronounce

[00:46:00] his name gina carlo carlo from lady hawk pretty pretty yeah yeah I can never gin carlo is definitely how you say it or maybe gin carlo but uh yeah yeah uh what else did you know him from well escape 2000 probably coming to a future episode near you um he's gonna escape from the bronx he's in yeah he's a bunch of stuff but nothing I recognized him from no I'm in lady hawk is

[00:46:30] is is the uh the jewel in his uh yeah in his crown so he plays scorpion so we're introduced to him so oh I should mention he was in an episode of space 1999 oh there you go and that is in your wheelhouse yes so he we see this thing on the horizon and it's pitch black and it looks like a ufo or a weird

[00:46:55] spaceship and it's coming at the camera and then it comes into the light and I'm like oh this is a 67 firebird with an acrylic bubble dome on the roof of it with a green light in it yeah I was gonna say for whatever reason is illuminated green yeah and this will become a theme later on the movie and I was laughing and it's also got like exhaust headers that come up and out of the hood but they come up out of the sides of the hood like it's it doesn't make any sense for serviceability but I

[00:47:24] love the car it looks great I mean the car is on the record it's it's we've all seen the pictures of this car it's great it's got the big skull ornament on the hood it's it's really fun and and it's just well it's the best part about the car is there's a button on the dash that opens the door in different ways it does different things to the door with one button door close the door and ejects the door this is like david carradine's remote glove from future force where he presses

[00:47:51] the button multiple times over and over again different things including giving them the a-okay symbol the movie the cars in these movies are gadget heavy and I like that like they really tried and pushed that but all the cars have these gadgets and these cool things but our main man scorpion with his 67 fiber he pulls up with this with this acrylic bubble on top of it

[00:48:17] and and it looks as goofy as it sounds and he comes across this kid who's living in a canyon in a van again covered in tinfoil and like tchotchkes and stuff and it's like a motorhome yeah it's like a full-on motorhome I half expected this old dude to be driving the kid shazam around in it it looks like that but it's like this or or the you know tony and tia from escape to which mountain

[00:48:44] but uh yeah it it it's a 70s motorhome yeah and and a european one at that so it's like I can't even say what it is it's like I don't even know and it's covered with just a ton of garbage too like yeah and tinfoil and stuff yeah the cheesiest sort of like uh satellite dishes and stuff just little things that spin it looks like the satellite dishes that the kid from kindergarten cop keeps trying to

[00:49:10] install the thing to stop the bad guys um so the uh the setup is those this kid gets out and he must be like what 10 years old or something like that if that and I should not say he looks like he's from the village of the dam yeah he does he totally does he's got the long blonde hair a bowl cut kind of thing going on and he's shooting at him at first with like uh he's got a slingshot village of the

[00:49:38] dam is a great movie it's the only movie with luke skywalker and superman uh well the carpenter version sure it's the only one that's good 60s version it's pretty good um midwitch cuckoos is the name of the novel that's based on by the way john windham i didn't know that there you go yeah same guy that did uh some book of his in high school it's one of the few books in high school that it was assigned to me that i actually read yeah so the the kid's got a slingshot he's like a gadget kid

[00:50:08] is the way that's set up but then scorpion like gets go well i just like when he's working on scorpion's car later he's got like what looks like a hairdryer with a bunch of matches sticking out of the end of it yeah and he's and he's doing something in the engine i didn't hate this like i love i i love in movies like i love mechanic and gadget characters and everything else like i mean there's there's a million of them of course you would probably say q from bond is the one like

[00:50:36] i'll i even like scud from uh blade too i thought he was great but there you go the ultimate is owen from tango and cash he's like the best gadget guy ever sadly i i watched that recently it's your place and i don't remember it michael j pollard he's just yeah awesome character actor but he's great i don't he i've been drinking i don't remember the scene it's just it's just he's like he's like hey

[00:51:05] what's happening he's like well the gun boots are great and he's got that robot doberman next to him that's covered oh yes yeah like yes okay all of these characters are really fun and i've never seen a movie where there's been a 10 year old kid that's played this role and it's fine yeah it's like oh i didn't have a problem with that i had a problem with how he was introduced because it was kind of like this weird sort of test thing they did kind of like you know clousseau and his man

[00:51:33] servant in the pink panther movies where he's trying to attack them all the time yeah that's how it starts and then um but he's shooting at him and stuff and then the kid's like yeah like you know it's like not running right can you try it can you try and fix it and he's like yeah i can fix it and then they show the kid like tearing around the quarry like like in the car except it's so obviously

[00:51:55] like a stunt guy yeah it's a full-grown adult with the wig and and the same colored top and it's just so funny the lead up to this moment though is scorpion's like wow he's like something's wrong with the gear shift the transmission's not working and the kids and he's like you think you can fix it like so scorpion has a lot of faith in this kid and his weird whiz kid and the kid pops the hood open

[00:52:21] and he's like oh and then scorpion's like you found the trouble and then the kid holds up a bloody human ear that's like under in the engine bay but it's like it's paper it's paper thin too like it's not like yeah it doesn't look like an ear it's kind of this weird piece of skin yeah and then with an ear on it and they and then like the kid's holding it and then it cuts to the firebird just doing donuts and then the kid gets with the adult and the kid's back gets out and he's like there it's running good

[00:52:49] now and i was like yeah yeah anyway it's it's fun it's goofy and so it sets it up that there's this whiz kid and he can fix things and i have to give it credit because i i was like near the end of the movie i was like they never went back to this kid like what was the point of that scene and all of a sudden he comes back yeah it's like all right finally in the last minute they just brought him back uh there's another chase on the road our hero scorpion's out there and there's another girl

[00:53:16] driving a van she's being attacked by the templars our man scorpion saves her it's another van covered in silver spray paint i should say this girl is the stunning anakinakis who um was also in yeah she's wearing purple lycra pants in this movie yes but she was also in uh 2019 after the fall of new york oh there you go so yeah yeah right good one so yeah but uh you know beautiful

[00:53:46] woman um apparently passed away a couple years ago but um yeah so anyway yeah so uh scorpion saves her and then again we just don't know why people are going where they're going or what they're doing and then we also get introduced to fred blooms and finally he was also in a vehicle that has alexian bubble which looks even goofier so it's like this movie at this point when somehow somehow his car

[00:54:14] looks goofier than his costume yes and his costume is not good saying something shiny gold plated like panel armor and he has a bow and arrow and a bunch of widgets and a weird headband and uh yeah he's he's like cock guy from the avengers in the wildest costume but on top of that his trick arrows are all they're color-coded and they all apparently they're just these little tips that he puts on the end of

[00:54:41] his arrows but they all just explode yeah there's no difference he seems to take great care in selecting which color he's going to use but they all do exactly the same thing they all blow a guy through a plywood wall like every time exactly yeah but it was great to see fred williamson because he his car again has this like sand bubble top on it and i'm like at this point in the movie i was like

[00:55:06] i this movie has the most vacuum formed acrylic lexan that i've ever seen in a movie and it's like they had a got a hold of one or they're able to do it and they just did it for everything it's so overused because because i'm sure we'll skip over and otherwise there is a love scene between alma and scorpion yeah like like well i guess we'll get to it like he's trying to like look at her shoulder but he's trying to pull apart her shirt and stuff so she thinks he's trying to rape her

[00:55:34] this is the girl he saved from the caravan yeah from the temple exactly so this makes he makes this comment how there aren't many of you left like you left i mean there's not many chicks left but then he kind of tries to pull her her shirt off but he's just trying to get it like her wound to check it and then then she's like suddenly like she's fighting him and all of a sudden it's like oh you just wanted to look at that oh i guess i guess we should get it on um and then they do in like the green light that's inside his car is now placed in like they've

[00:56:04] got a clear acrylic air mattress yes with a cover that's inflated that goes over top of it and they're in that with the green light from inside the car that they've moved out into this thing for some reason and they're just out in the middle of nowhere no sense whatsoever i don't understand how or why this is happening so this is this is a sex scene that's intercut with them talking back and forth and it just looks like somebody took three pool loungers and taped them together

[00:56:33] and that's their futuristic tent with the light in it i was cracking up i was like this can't be what it is but i guess it is it's gotta be i guess so we can see through it but not well enough to see anything i guess yeah it's just meant to look sci-fi in the weirdest way possible it's bizarre yeah anyway yeah she ditches him at the next town and then yeah the gadgets in this movie again are really wild and they're on the road the next day so it's scorpion and the girl he's saved and i love this

[00:57:02] one of them shoots one of the templars out of their spray painted buggy shoots a kind of an explosive but it's got a magnet on it and it sticks to the driver door the firebird and then of course scorpion just like reaches down he flips a switch and his whole door flies off the car back directly back at the guy he shot the explosive and then blows the guy up and i was like this is amazing they've established that

[00:57:30] he has the ability to open and close his door by a button on the dash so you already know that you know he can do these things which i guess in 1983 you got to think is like wow like this car door closes on its own um it's just like the button mercedes would do in the 90s but it's just like the button in future force because he presses it once and the door opens normally and now he presses again and he ejects itself entirely off the car and launches across the quarry i could have bought that you use

[00:57:59] the same button open and close i could get that sure but but not the ejection is is just wild it's a great so you also would have seen this on the instagram by now by the way so yeah i don't need to well if sam's doing his job yes mind you this this part where he's launching he launches his door off the side of his firebird and explodes this is in the same quarry from the beginning of the movie just oh yeah just in case yeah just in case you keep coming back to the same quarry over and over

[00:58:26] again and you can tell because it has the weird sort of green growth on it yeah that it that doesn't look real it almost looks like one of those areas where they've like hosed it down right that grass seed or whatever it's uh but no it's just bloomed recently probably just rained the week before the weekend before they shot and just like exploded and that's kind of why this movie looks a little unique too because it's the same location but it just happens to be they caught it in a wet week

[00:58:54] where they filmed well they're probably shooting it in march or april or something like that and you know the weather turned and got better for them and they probably had some rain followed by some sun and yeah boom green quarry so during all this chase in this event fred williamson's kind of up on the ridge and he's shooting his explosive arrows like you said choosing what colors to use fire to everybody and then this is where i was like oh it really really is a quarry because you

[00:59:19] see a pile of gravel like an actual like pile of ore and i was like oh okay this is they didn't even move that there's some great deaths in here there's a lot of like heads exploding and fred williamson shoots a guy in the neck and his his explodes there's some fun gags but we go back to george eastman and his templars and they're all really upset that scorpion our main guy killed

[00:59:41] mako and had a win essentially over the templars well i think he was a templar and he left i think yeah i didn't pick and then so that's i think they were pissed at him for that they already knew who he was yeah i think there was a line in there or something or like that but again not not clear no there's historic beef between george eastman the head of the templars and our main man scorpion

[01:00:05] and then this is an hour into the movie by the way so we're getting through this so you guys don't have to listen to this for this long but there's a big car chase and there's a lot more cars with acrylic bubble domes and they finally capture scorpion the templars get him and through a bunch of action and crashes and explosions everything and then this is this is a moment in the movie where

[01:00:29] i was like huh and they yes they they string scorpion up the templars string him up in this like ceremonial way and they also bind his head with more acrylic rods and rope again there's acrylic everywhere curves curves around the back of his neck to hold his head down and they start winching his

[01:00:52] head down so he's bending over and then you get a shot of george eastman and he just rips the back of scorpion's pants open but like not like tear off tuxedo pants where you just take the whole things off like a perfect square yeah just comes off with just his ass cheeks and i was like wait what and i was like oh they're gonna give him some lashings or something and no they didn't no he's uh he is raped

[01:01:20] george eastman rape scorpion to a synth soundtrack track intercut it's like a montage enjoy enjoy listening to your soundtrack again and hearing that's that thing um it's just gonna come back to haunt you we've we've had a lot of rape scenes in these movies but we've never had one that was cut like a music video with lights and stuff either it's so weird and he talks about how it's like some

[01:01:49] kind of initiation or something too so i think this is how these guys become templars is by getting i guess raped by their co these guys would love to go to moon 44 i'm telling you they would look but like the thing is so these guys are all standing around their space ball outfits arms crossed leaning against their spray-painted cars watching this happen too they're not cheering it on they're just kind of standing there it's clearly not they're not upset by it though no it's

[01:02:18] clearly a process i think is the way you read like this isn't the first time like i said i think it's like initiation of some kind because he talks about making him a templar again yeah and then and then they want and it's like alluded that they're all gonna take turns or something at some point but they don't they just kind of tie him down and leave him well no they don't because they get interrupted because a guy on a dirt bike shows up and says hey there's a big caravan that's moving

[01:02:45] right now we need to go get it and then that saves george east that saves our main man scorpion from having to endure whatever else was coming for him so they all abandon scorpion who's tied up to this gantry and they go off to attack this caravan and then fred williamson sneaks in and rescues him and then fred williamson takes scorpion back to the whiz kit in the in the canyon and to repair his

[01:03:12] car and do a bunch of work and so and and repair yeah scorpion yes and repair scorpion and so the kid is working on scorpion's car with like you said a hairdryer with a bunch of matchsticks in the end of it it's a weird tool and the kid's working away while scorpion is trying to come to grips with everything that's just happened and fred williamson looks at him and he is kind of disgusted because

[01:03:39] scorpion i think is supposed to be like a big hero in the land but we don't know any backstory but fred williamson seems to think he's big and fred williamson says here lies the great scorpion in pain victim of the big bad queers the templars and then that was when i was like oh so this is like a whole gay army at that point like when the when when fred williamson said that i was like oh this

[01:04:07] isn't just a thing that george eastman does this is the whole group that was when i realized that yeah yeah it's crazy so meanwhile the templars have attacked the good guys base their caravan destroyed they burned a lot of the silver spray-painted cars everything's destroyed 10 minutes left in this

[01:04:31] movie and it's now we start getting shots reused over and over yes oh man that was really on the nose we've seen we've we've endured a lot but i was like come on guys really yeah and and what happens is this last sequence in the movie so it's now a showdown because they've gone off they've fixed his car with the kid they've headed back they're going to go after george eastman the head of the

[01:04:56] of the templars they're going to take him out and this moment happens where scorpion arrives and eastman is standing there in the rubble of everything that is lackeys have pillaged and destroyed and then it's this really long sequence where they're walking through the rubble towards each other like to have a confrontation but i'm like there's 10 minutes left guys like don't burn this time

[01:05:21] on walking through the rubble like let's have some action and it takes a long time yeah but it's like and one shoots scorpion a couple of times and scorpion doesn't go down he's like wondering why that scorpion pulls off his poncho and he's got he's got acrylic body see-through body armor on again gayest movie we've done yet i actually and uh i actually said i actually said so she's scorpion's

[01:05:51] getting shot at by george eastman with a laser gun and nothing happens to him and george eastman's like we should add to when we mention laser gun this is just a sound effect there is no actual laser scene right yeah that that is important and he's questioning his gun he's looking at his gun like why isn't he going down and then there's this musical sting and then scorpion pulls his like

[01:06:14] wool cloak off and then i was like and i actually said god damn it when i saw him standing in the acrylic armor because with no shirt on underneath by the way because we got foreshadowed this five minutes ago when the whiz kid was working on their stuff and he like tells fred williamson hey like attack me and fred williamson starts throwing his bombs at the kid's van and the kid's laughing

[01:06:42] behind this acrylic window and so then you're like oh so presumably the kid made this armor out of the same armor he made the windows from his van for but if you made impenetrable windows in your van but your van's made out of tinfoil you've probably got a bigger problem it's it's so insane it's so bizarre but i i i genuinely laughed i was like son of like they got me with that one for sure

[01:07:09] the damn acrylic armor out of all i was i i i went back for a sec because i thought for a minute like he was wearing like a thong in a conjunction with all this but no one's got pants on at least when surprise just like wow but this is supposed to be the big aha moment of the movie and then the music once again starts cranking and fred williamson and it's it's not a big aha movement because basically eastman you know character of one just leaves he just bugs out yeah he just hops in his car

[01:07:37] leaves and then they have to finish fighting all the other templars so then fred williamson and the kid start fighting the rest of the templars with their slingshot and their bow and arrow uh and then scorpion and george eastman get on the road and you think this is the big showdown on the car the vehicle you think yeah no pretty quick pretty damn quick like this is a 15 second scene i'm thinking

[01:08:04] this is going to be a couple minute car chase and no catches up to him runs him off the road and suddenly magically he's back in the quarry well the best part is is that scorpion also like everything in this movie has a great gadget and he flips a switch on his car and a giant auger comes out of the front grill a spinning auger and this might be the most silliest we've been through a lot

[01:08:29] of silly weapons in movies and so this might be the the least useful and silliest one but this drill auger comes out his grill drills through the back of george eastman's car through george eastman's seat and presumably through george eastman's chest because we don't see it we just see him like in pain yeah he react in a close-up shot and then we're back at the quarry and everything's fine i was like wow that's a quick no no no eastman like drives off the road and he's suddenly back in

[01:08:57] the quarry and then smashes against the back wall and and then a second or two later it explodes this is actually a phenomenon now because we had this also once again in future force where there's teleporting quarries where you're on a road yes and then you appear in a quarry magically dude dude the only way that movie was a dystopia was or wasn't a dystopia it was actually post-apocalyptic is there is now a quarry in downtown la right so don't fight it i'm trying to help you here man

[01:09:28] i'll take it so uh let's see there's also a shot here where they're fighting this is five minutes left and fred williamson is running along the back of these like huge presumably like water tanks or some types of holding tanks yeah he's up in like no one once takes a shot at him or the kid no ever and they're just picking these guys off left and right but i just laughed at when he runs by all

[01:09:54] these tanks they're all silver but there's one shot right near the end where the camera turns a little bit and you see down the side and none of it's spray painted like you can see the edge where the paint ended and they're just rusty tanks kind of funny dude there's a scene early on where i think this is when they're attacking the motorhome that's got our girl ama in it uh-huh and the other guy

[01:10:18] there's a scene where there is someone on the side of that um truck like of that camper van like there is someone like standing on the edge of the outside like it's the wrong angle and it's just a split oh like a stage hand or something or a crew member somebody is on there yeah i i don't know because when the next next the next cut there's it's not on there you just see the side of it's gone but it's

[01:10:43] like yeah it's like okay there's a bunch of that stuff in this again the the dummies that are replaced at last second so the movie's wrapped up the bad guy's dead the good guys are alive and fred williamson looks at scorpion and he says where are you going to go from here and scorpion looks at fred williamson and he says someplace that you're not and then the whiz kid walks up like the 10 year

[01:11:12] old kid or whatever he walks up who now suddenly acts like he has ptsd he's affected by all he had no problem in battle before he was doing a good job yeah and then he walks up apparently he lives alone in his little winnebago as well and never had any issues but now suddenly he needs a father figure so he walks up to scorpion and he puts his hand out and there's this big dramatic swooping

[01:11:36] camera move like the biggest in the movie and the camera comes in and swoops down as scorpion grabs the kid's hand and then it pulls up to like a mid shot of scorpion and scorpion barrels the camera and then credits roll well no because uh alma walks into beside him but she doesn't start in that she doesn't take his hand no she's not in that shot just take his hand but yeah it's like credits

[01:12:03] roll i i want to flip back a bit though because like it's never explained what fred williamson's nadir is doing with any of this to begin with no for whatever reason he's following scorpion at the start and he mentions how he's able to follow him and keep track of him but they don't explain why or where he's from or what he does why he dresses like he does none of that can ever explain and his equipment his car and his gear he's almost more like royalty like it's like he's much higher

[01:12:33] proud than everybody else so it's like is he sent from an upper power of better funding or something these people keep talking about how there's like another civilization somewhere that has survived and they want to find it and it'll save them and stuff i i mean you'd assume that fred williamson's character's from there but there's there's nothing it's almost like they he wrote the script and thought well we better slip this dude in here because he's awesome yeah gotta put him in well because he wants to renew his visa in italy so he's ready for it they're like

[01:13:02] write him in yeah yeah and he's great so we gotta put him in i mean this dude's a football star well you're only one dozen midget jaw was away from tying this into all the other movie universe yeah didn't quite get there yeah um for how popular this movie is or how much people remember it talk about it and i think it comes because of the aesthetic again and because of the music i really had a hard time finding some additional stuff on this there's not a huge amount but there's a conflicting

[01:13:32] thing where imdb says this movie fell into public domain but i didn't believe that i was like that's not none of these movies do that and i did some research and sure enough um it's still an active copyright in the united states but it appeared someone on some of those like cheese bowl like eight movies on two disc dvd sets that are in public domain in some other territories or something but

[01:13:55] yeah and but i think what it is is that it shows up on a guilty pleasure dvd combo box set you know there's like walmart like eight dollars for ten movies type things and a lot of those movies on there are public domain so i think maybe it got bunched in or peppered with that um if you do want this movie on vhs you can get it anywhere from between eight dollars which seem to be re-releases

[01:14:21] from the late 90s like home video stuff they have a different cover the original ones you can find for like 25 which have a more interesting cover on them i also saw somebody you'll like this jason selling a package deal um for an original vhs of this movie and an original vhs of phoenix the warrior vhs for 35 so you can get yourself a double feature um speaking of 35 dollars that is what the

[01:14:49] import blu-ray will cost you on amazon and it's a bare bones stripper disc no features aside from a single spanish dubbing track uh this movie does need a premium release i feel like this would be a really good movie for a proper release uh yeah shout or arrow you know what to do seriously yeah like give us a fred williamson comment commentary on something like this this would be great um but

[01:15:14] yeah i mean i don't know what else to say i just like do you remake it do you sequel it the only thing in this movie that sets it apart from the other stuff is the hokey visuals and i say that in a good way because it's fun to look at and it's enjoyable but there's nothing here where i'm like that needs to be on screen again or that story needs to be told i mean i bring up end game a lot but

[01:15:39] end game again is a prime case of it had enough there where you could go further with it and it'd be really cool end game could be a good remake i don't think this would work as a remake no because so much of it's in its charm of just what it is yeah and the people in it like that's what yeah that's exactly what it is it's not it's not good because of the way it's written or the way it's

[01:16:04] no no there it this is this is a this is not a good movie but it's uh one of those examples where the sum is greater than the parts exactly yeah that's the perfect way to summarize it uh on that note uh imdb 4.6 out of 10 which is that's fair yeah probably about right i was entertained um

[01:16:27] yeah um and that is that's for 3,400 um views um we've got a 2.7 out of 5 over on letterbox which of course is a is a 5.4 um which is a smidge high it's not yeah i don't even think that's how i was like yeah well i am and it's everything always skews higher in letterbox and that's for 5,600 with

[01:16:52] the 1100 yes uh so i don't know what else to say other than watch it i just think it's fun yeah it is fun it's enjoyable worth watching like i said it's free on a number of services um i think did you watch this on youtube in the end sam yes on youtube of course you did uh i watched it on fossum there's no ads on fossum which is great um so i watched it there uh plex's service has it as

[01:17:19] well um prime videos got it at least in canada okay so but i knew there'd be commercials potentially about watching a prime video and for whatever reason fossum doesn't have commercials at least every time i watch them so we'll take it yeah yeah awesome well there you go as always as always fun thanks for joining us appreciate you guys tuning in we love to hear from you guys and uh it's always change i didn't regret watching one of sam's picks that's right and then we can flip the script next

[01:17:47] week and jason can pick something absolutely horrible and damn we go again yeah well we thank you guys all and we always love hearing from you it's always a treat it uh really makes us feel like this is worthwhile we're just having such a great time doing nothing but talking about movies other than casino all right exactly bye thanks therefore whatever appears on the television screen emerges as raw

[01:18:17] experience for those who watch it therefore television is reality and reality is less than television