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[00:00:00] The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the video arena. The television screen is the retina of the mind's eye. Therefore, the television screen is part of the physical structure of the brain.
[00:00:29] All right. Welcome back to episode 105 of The Outer Reels. My name is Sam. Jason is here. Hi, Sam. This is not a good movie. No, Jason, but that's why we do this because I worked hard to find this movie. This movie doesn't just show up when you look for movies. No, I was going to ask you like, how did you even come across this? Because this is like, it's, I mean, we watched on YouTube. At least I'm assuming you did. Yes.
[00:00:59] But yeah, it's like, this is one of those, I don't know if like a Blu-ray or anything would help it. No, and then... It's a mess. And that's why it's a true out of real because I do not believe this movie has left VHS in an official release. And I believe it will die on VHS. There are... I've got to imagine on VHS it's just as bad too. So what I watched, I could barely hear. Like the mix was atrocious. Horrible.
[00:01:29] I mean, but to the point of where I think it was actually bad on set sound recording and no one bothering to do ADR. I think so. Because the music, like the music is so much louder than the dialogue and you just can't hear it at all. The sound effect. There's, there's a scene at the end with our two leads, Swan and Tara. And they're talking. I couldn't tell you what they're saying, but I could tell you there were lots of birds.
[00:01:51] Yeah. I noticed that there are so many times like environment and Atmos is louder than what people are saying. Yeah. And I turned closed captions on and it couldn't figure anything out. Yeah. No, no. Cause it's the automatic generated ones from YouTube. Exactly. And it had no clue what was going on. There'd be random words thrown in every now and then. Sometimes it would just... Definitely were not being said. And then sometimes it would just give up mid sentence, just say fine.
[00:02:17] I saw a lot of foreign music playing, which is, that's not foreign music playing YouTube. I don't know what you think foreign music is, but you're a global platform, dammit. The music in this is horrible too, by the way. Yeah. I noticed there is a composer credited, but I was like, is this just the guy that they licensed the one piece of music from that they used over and over and over again? Over and over and over as a loop.
[00:02:43] And at one point it slowed down a little bit and then it started again. Yeah. And there's no break in it. It's just a dead loop. I mean, the composer is Stefano Minetti and he has some credits, like he has like 54 credits. He's a working composer, but I, I don't know. I think he composed about 12 minutes of music and they just reused it over and over again.
[00:03:07] I agree. Yeah. It was a library they bought off him because no, no composer, even in their early days would allow something to fly through like that and be used the way it is. I should say this is wild. We are tonight. We are watching inter zone from 1989. Inter zone. If you had told me this was a movie from 1989 before I watched it or I looked it up or anything, I would have, and all he did was watch it. I would have called you a liar.
[00:03:34] Well, I'm glad you mentioned that Jason, cause this movie was actually filmed in 1986 and not released till 1989. Still. Still. Yeah. I would have assumed 76. I agree. The, the visuals of it and the budget stuff look and feel like seventies stuff. Yeah. There is a, uh, and I, I don't say this in a derogatory way. There is a corn bowlness to it. Yes.
[00:04:04] That is very much a late eighties aesthetic or whatever you would say. That's hard. That is true. There's, there's definitely, um, there's definitely feeble attempts at, at slapstick comedy. Yes. That do not, that just does not work. And half the time I can't tell if it doesn't land because I can't hear what they're saying or if it just doesn't work. There's that too. Yeah.
[00:04:25] This is a strange movie that again, it's, it's a totally out of real. It's just not, it just doesn't exist. And I don't see any of the, I mean, I say that, but like people like arrow and vinegar syndrome, they're digging up some old stuff and releasing them anyway. But I mean, for this one, this would be a hard sell for anyone to try and actually put the time on one. You'd have to re-dub the whole thing. Yeah. And so I don't see that happening. So again, as I mentioned, this, this movie will live and die on VHS.
[00:04:54] And you know what? I'm okay with it. But yeah. And it belongs on VHS. It's a, it's VHS schlock. Like if, as you said, you wouldn't gain anything from high def on this in any which way. Maybe you could hear it. If that'd be something.
[00:05:11] Well, like I said, if, if they could somehow dig, dig the mix out, like fix the mix would be the only thing it really needs. I mean, what we watched didn't look terrible. It looked, I mean, I was able to tell that, that, that our lead, you know, French woman Tara, she's gorgeous. So I, I, I had a massive crush on her through this. Um, cause she's, she's really pretty. Uh, what's she, what's she from by the way? Is she from anything? No. Um, I didn't even think to look her up to be honest.
[00:05:40] Interesting. She doesn't have a thumbnail. Uh, her known for is zombie three, which is funny cause I've been listening to the zombie three soundtrack quite a lot lately, but nice. Um, yeah, but otherwise a bunch of French stuff and nothing, nothing anybody would even, would even know. Currently still working. Um, if you say so, yeah, she's the last credit I see here is she was in some mini series from 22. 20, 24, uh, six episodes of some crime show.
[00:06:10] Oh, there you go. You're seeing more on IMDb pro than I am on regular IMDb. But, uh, yeah, anyway, um, very pretty, uh, probably a model before she was doing this.
[00:06:21] And that's, that's basically it. Our, we have very few thumbnail photos on the crew. Not really anybody standout stuff. The poster gives you a post-apocalyptic look and vibe that you would expect from an eighties movie. There's a poorly built car with some weird cheap metal on it and some leather and some bullets and weird, like Goro style muscle chick.
[00:06:48] Uh, which also I was surprised to think that I was like, Oh, she must be in other stuff. But I don't, I don't know. Like she seems like a draw card for this movie of just being a crazy character.
[00:07:01] Briefly. I thought she was in, and I can't remember the name of it now, but it was that Blake Edwards movie with, uh, starring John Ritter. Um, I can't remember the name of it now, but there was a, a body woman bodybuilder in that. And for the brief few minutes, I thought it was the same woman. It's not. Um, they sound the same, I think, which is what kind of threw me. I think it was her voice is what, what got me. But, uh, yeah, but again, a blonde, blonde as well. And so she's like a female version of wacko jacko.
[00:07:33] Okay. Right. I'm not sure I know wacko jacko or is it just Jack? Is it just Jacko that I know from like the Australian guy with the flat top crazy muscle? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I didn't know. I didn't, didn't know he had wacko in front of jacko. Oh yeah. That was his nickname in Australia. He's wacko jacko.
[00:07:50] There you go. If you guys who don't know wacko jacko did all of our battery commercials in Australia, he was like our, uh, our, our Hulk Hogan or a Ruddy Piper or somebody like that. But, uh, uh, Laura Gesmer was in this, in an uncredited role. Yes. Yes. That's so funny that she shows up. Yeah. Cause I was like, yeah, this is, this is like the ultimate out of reels wormhole on this one, actually.
[00:08:17] Laura Gesmer. So she's uncredited in this, but however, most importantly, we all remember, as you mentioned, Lilith, the mutant from 1983 Endgame, which we did cover a few months back at this point.
[00:08:29] So the wormhole is great, but I also want to mention that she is in metamorphosis from 1990 and she plays a prostitute. She was also a costume designer. I think she ended up just being a wardrobe person for a long time, but I want to mention that movie because it's one of two of my most coveted VHS covers that I've ever had, which is that and dead pit.
[00:08:53] And they both have a vacuum form 3d cover and light up eyes when you press the button on the VHS cover and it makes this scream. And there's, there's the only two I could be wrong, but those are the only two I ever remembered. And I certainly owned, but there was just a short run of these, those two movies. There are a few years apart too, but it's so funny to see her in this. Cause that, uh, metamorphosis isn't a great movie.
[00:09:17] It's from 1990 as well, but the, the vacuum form cover in the light up flashing screaming eyes is quite a treat. I wish they did that more. We didn't even see that. I think the only other vacuum form that like used to always stand out to me was salute of the jugger. Cause it had like muscly arms on it. So it was all puffy, but the best days. Yeah. Salute of the jugger is best known as, uh, over heroes. I know it's been a different title and I know blood it's blood of heroes. That's what it was.
[00:09:47] Blood of heroes. That's right. Yeah. This is a Rutger Hauer and John, John Chan. Yeah. I knew I knew I knew it. I should look into that and figure out where the salute of the jugger, if it was just original Australian release or somewhere else. Cause we always got weird names for movies, but anyway, we are getting Absalon. Yeah. Escape from Absalon. Um, but we are getting way ahead of ourselves.
[00:10:12] Yeah. Sorry. 1989. This movie, like I said, it was filmed in 86, but finally got released in 89. What other movies came out in 1989? Oh dude, what didn't come out in 1989? You think I would have been ready for this? Dude, communion came out in 89. Um, the first puppet master came out in 89. Um, deep star six cyborg. You got star Trek.
[00:10:39] The swamp thing. The Dolph Lundgren Punisher. Oh yeah. Good one. Robot shocks Leviathan that I was talking about. Of course, the abyss tons and tons of stuff. Vidiot from UHF. Of course, uh, it, the list goes on Ghostbusters to Bill and Ted. We were just talking about Bill and Ted. Uh, yeah. Slipstream actually kind of an interesting movie. That was a cool little movie.
[00:11:06] Oh yeah. Yeah. I watched that on VHS. I remember that. Yeah. Um, the burbs is the other one. The Tom, Tom Hanks movie. A lot of the burbs, man. Yeah. There's some, uh, some great, great stuff. Other, some other things that are not so great, like Omega cop starring. We are missing like the biggest movie that came out in 89, which is Last Crusade. But. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. It's too good for us. Yeah. There you go. Uh, so.
[00:11:34] Oh, and, and, and the Tim Burton Batman. Oh, come on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was a good, it was good. It paved the way for Joel Schumacher. I'll just say that. Well, yeah, you know, Batman Returns wasn't terrible, but. You know, my feelings on Batman and Robin. I know. I know. We'll spare everybody for listening about that again. And I, I saw it for free and still felt I got ripped off. I know, Jason. I know. It's such a disappointment.
[00:12:03] It is not a good movie. It is something. But a good movie, it is not. Anyways, back on Interzone from 1989. Directed. We must. Yeah. By Duran Safarian or Darren Safarian. Darren Safarian. Yeah. Producer, director, actor. Who went on to do a lot of good work. So. Yes. Yeah. So I, I think he's just in this one hammered by, uh, some probably non-existent budget.
[00:12:32] And this is still earlier than later in his career. So he has very early. 67 credits. Four up and comings right now. So he is constantly working. Uh, some of his latest stuff includes some episodes of Project Blue Book of recent times. So he started his career right out of UCLA. He worked for Roger Corman straight out of school. Uh, he was uncredited on loads of Roger Corman stuff.
[00:12:57] Of course, as I'm sure many people do, but, uh, he was heavily involved with rock and roll high school, a bunch of other stuff. And he moved to Rome and started making films. And I guess he had a hookup through Corman was able to get entrenched over there a little bit. And he was there for a while, made obviously this film and some other stuff.
[00:13:19] But through that, he came back to the U S and landed Van Damme's death warrant, which was sort of his start of U S filmmaking. And then after that, he did back in the U S S R with Roman Polanski, which did well in the theater. So now he's a, he's an established director. He's bringing stuff in on time under budget.
[00:13:40] So he lands the gig, the ultimate gig of directed Terminal Velocity from 1994, which I love that movie. I, I mean, Drop Zone for, for, with Snipes and Gary Busey, also a great movie, but Terminal Velocity just knows the kind of movie it is. It's funny or it's goofier. It's got some, some more just fun over the top. I vaguely remember it. It's pretty fun. So yeah, I might need to check this one out again.
[00:14:07] Cause it's been way, way like I would have watched that on VHS. Yeah. I saw it in the theater, had a great time as a kid. It was just a good movie. So the guy's completely capable. And then, uh, he rolls into TV and he's just been nonstop ever since. So like just everything, one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which was season two, episode 18, three episodes of Nash Bridges, two episodes of martial law, bunch of CSI and an episode of lost.
[00:14:37] And then a bunch of other modern TV that none of us would ever care about, but big run on house, um, stuff. So yeah. Yeah. Uh, also turns out he's the nephew of Robert Altman. So probably, yeah, probably how he got everything going. Yep. Um, and then that brings us into our main actor in this movie who is Bruce Abbott played by Swan.
[00:15:04] And he was first uncredited as Rylan Sargent in The Last Starfighter. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, Rylan Sargent, is that like one of the aliens or one of the soldier crew members on the ship? Like, I don't even know if Rylan's a name or if that's a, uh, a race. Um, that is a race. That's sort of the good guys. So he was probably, uh, yeah, he would have been one of the aliens. Hmm. So, yeah. Yeah. Kind of cool.
[00:15:31] So, um, memorably, of course, he was Dan Kane from the wonderful Stuart Gordon reanimator. Yeah. Also in four episodes of The Net, the TV show, which I only discovered existed a while back when you told me that existed. And I was like, I can't believe that's a real show. Because it didn't last long. Yeah. Yeah. This guy's interesting though, because his star meter's at like 17,000 now, which is low for somebody who's been in so few things.
[00:16:00] I was, I was, uh, pretty amazed. Like, I was like, how is this? He doesn't have a reacting credit for 15 years either. So. Yeah. But why he's popular? I don't know. Unless reanimators is really popular and people looking out. I'm not sure. He's, he's been in some stuff. So, um, you know, and the two reanimators for sure are going to help that. Um, so yeah, there you go. Plus this now after he gets the old outer reels bump. Yeah, that's right.
[00:16:28] He'll be in top 100 tomorrow, next Thursday. Oh yeah. So he's already, he's still way ahead of me. So it's all fine. I haven't looked at myself in a couple of weeks, but. No, I am tracking at 1 million right now. I was 3 million two weeks ago. Um, who knows? Well, I am at 2.8 million. There you go. Yeah. And continuing to fall.
[00:16:52] That's the, yeah, that's basically when we're working, it's usually in the 2 to 3 million range. Yeah. Um, you just fall until you're looking for work. Yeah. And you watch yourself go up. Shocking. We've talked about it. We've complained about it. We haven't actually told the listeners what this movie is about. What is this movie? Interson 1989. I haven't got a clue because I couldn't hear anything. I mean, it's, it's, I don't know. It's, it's post-apocalyptic kinda.
[00:17:23] It's all, it's more like, it's more like a, you know, Ren Faire got out of control and just kinda took over the landscape, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't, it doesn't feel apocalyptic in the ways that most of these movies do because there's no real discussion about like, you know, it's always the problem or the problem with these movies is usually like, you gotta find water. You gotta find gas, food, everything scares.
[00:17:51] Everybody lives like they're just living roughly. There's no homes or air conditioner or anything, but there's never any discussion. Maraschino cherries appear to grow on minds in this movie. So. God, that's a weird sequence. Yeah. There's, there's some strange things in here. Like it's the costume and the aesthetic is there, the wardrobes there, but everything else just clearly looks like it was filmed out in the woods by some old temple in Rome or something.
[00:18:21] So. Mm-hmm. And then you got, uh, some psychic monks. Yeah. And, and, and, and for, and for whatever reason, our bodybuilder woman wants their treasure, they have a treasure. Yeah. And that, that is it. And they, they can't break through because these guys can create a psychic shield. I'll give it that. That, that, all that stuff is kind of interesting. I think. Kinda. Yeah.
[00:18:48] I, I mean, it's, it's kind of meant to be a road movie about a traveling lone wolf kind of guy. Who gets caught up in this mission to save or whatever he's going to do. And you're right. There is the bad guys are after this group of monks who live in this church and protect some treasure. That's all we know. And it's just a treasure they're protecting. Yeah. And the bad guys are trying to attack the church and trying to attack the monks.
[00:19:18] And that's the whole running gag for the whole movie. And our hero comes in and stops them from attacking. Of course, because he negotiates himself some of the treasure. Cause he's kind of like, I want to say like a Han Solo kind of guy. But he is. That's, that's who they're going for. Yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be something in it for him. So I was actually thinking he's kind of like Treat Williams' character in Deep Rising, which is an awesome movie.
[00:19:47] And he's super fun in that. I'm trying to remember Deep Rising. Oh, it's on the cruise ship. It's Treat Williams. He's like a, like a pirate. He's like a mercenary. And he does jobs with this cool hot-roated boat that he has. And these guys hire him. And they hire him. It's directed by Stephen Summers. And then they hire Treat Williams to bring him out to a cruise ship. And they rob the ocean liner. But when they get on board. Oh, dude.
[00:20:16] I'm wondering if I ever saw it. I'm thinking I never saw it. This movie is amazing. Yeah. I mean, I'm looking at the poster and stuff. And I'm drawing a blank. Like, I miss this. I love this movie. So the whole movie is basically Treat Williams and this ragtag bunch of crooks are trying to rob an ocean liner, a cruise ship. And then they board it. And everybody's dead. Like, just blood everywhere. Like, the whole crew. And they're trying to figure out what it is.
[00:20:46] And there's this giant monster on board. And it's awesome, dude. It's so, so fun. It's really good. It's like classic ILM VFX work. You could tell a lot of this stuff, especially because of Stephen Summers. The movie after this, he went on to The Mummy. And it's like all R&D work towards The Mummy. The effects look very similar. And there's a lot of stuff. It's just a great monster movie with like loudmouth Treat Williams is very much like a Jack Burton type character. It's great. I don't know. I miss that. Oh, awesome movie. Highly recommend.
[00:21:16] Way better than this movie. Well, sure. Yeah, I think the way that I would describe this, it's like if you took the goofiness from Barbarella and a very low budget Mad Max aesthetic, Roger Corman style from Mad Max, you probably get this movie because it's just so light on all the things.
[00:21:44] But it does try to be a tough friend. The only Mad Max aesthetic you get from it is the dude's car. Yeah, and it's dumb. It is. And there's nothing else. I do like it at the end when he drives up and he's got a freaking cannon in the back of it. Yeah. And then proceeds to not use it. Yeah, of course. There's a lot of questions that this movie brings up.
[00:22:07] But basically, the first act is set up that we're, and again, it's hard to hear what the hell they're saying. But our main guy, Swan, he shows up to some kind of taverna and there's people drinking and partying or whatever. And there is a game that's being played very much. And it's a Russian roulette game of drinks. And they have a table. Drinks with dry ice in them. Yeah.
[00:22:37] And like, let's say, Windex. Blue drinks with dry ice. And I guess I think one's Kool-Aid and one's Windex. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. And then they all sit around and gamble on each other. And the whole, everybody in the tavern look on. And basically, somebody drinks their own drink, they die. And that's it. And everybody else cheers on. But they all have to pledge an item. Like, one person pledges a toothbrush. Somebody pledges a golf pocket watch. Well, our lead pledges a toothbrush.
[00:23:07] Oh, yeah. They don't know what it is. One guy eventually figures it's for putting in your ear. And that's kind of the goofy stuff that's in this movie. Yeah. They try and do this everywhere. But I don't know how or what really transpires here other than him not dying in our main character, not dying in the Russian roulette drink-a-thon. But not by way of his skill, not by way of his good ways of his character abilities. He just doesn't die because he doesn't pick the wrong drink. It's just luck.
[00:23:36] But maybe that is an attempt or that's a forced thing to say, hey, this guy's always really lucky. Like, maybe they're trying to drive home that this guy's just, he can't lose at anything. Is maybe it, but whatever happens. But it is a long sequence. You're giving it too much credit, I think. I probably am. Yeah. But it is a long sequence. It goes on for 15 minutes. The first 15 minutes of the movie is exactly that. This movie is lots of long sequences. Oh my God.
[00:24:03] So can we also talk about the names of these, the cast members? Because there's some pretty funny cast members in this. We got our main guy, Swan. Fine. You want to get to Panasonic, right? Yes. And General Electric. Yeah. And General Electric. Yeah. Although those names, knowing the end of it kind of makes sense. Yeah. Because they're pulling the names from their treasure. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually pretty good.
[00:24:33] I never thought about that. Yeah. Spoilers. Somehow they have a working TV. So. Well, this is what's interesting about the movie. And I'll give it that credit. Electricity. Because it opens and you get no prologue, no intro, nothing. Things are just happening. They're in this tavern. And I was kind of like, wow, this is the first apocalypse movie we've had in a long time that doesn't have a prologue. It doesn't tell us anything, what year it is, nothing. So our main guy.
[00:25:04] Swan. Swan. Thank you. Swan survives the Russian roulette drinking. And then all hell breaks out because people want to fight him. And then this is a really bizarre fight that happens in the tavern. Well, there's, there's a guy who shows up and Swan gets roped into the game because he's trying to avoid this other guy who wants to kill him, obviously, because he's waiting for him to die in the game. And if he doesn't, like he does the whole mime of the finger across the neck thing. Yeah.
[00:25:31] So we, by the way, I should, we don't know. We never find out who this guy is or what he's about or why he wants Swan or anything. That's, that's never, we never find that out. But, uh, Swan, Swan does the game because he thinks it's his only way of, of kind of trying to get out of all this. Whatever this is, we don't know. It's not going to tell us. There's also some real, like the tavern, they're trying to do the Star Wars cantina because they cut away to all these different characters and stuff.
[00:25:59] And there is this dude who's doing the queerest dancing I've seen. He kind of dances like I would picture trash from Bronx Warriors dancing. And he's just having a cradle. I did a double take. I thought one of the bodyguards for a minute, like one of the bouncer guys was trash. They do look a lot alike. I saw that and I was like, oh my God. Yeah. Wait, is that trash? I was like, no. And it's Italy as well. So it's like getting close, close to home.
[00:26:26] And so this fight breaks out and it's a long fight scene and people are getting pushed over things and broke bottles over their heads and punching each other and anything. But there's this moment where it cuts over and there's just this huge guy and he's just punching this woman in the stomach, like over and over again. But her face, she's like laughing, like, cause it's just so silly and it just takes you straight out of the movie. It's such a bizarre fight scene.
[00:26:52] Like, and the sound effects and everything is sets up this whole movie of how weird it is. And then there's like a piano player playing and the bar is just crazy and people are getting thrown on top of the piano and everything. Like I, it's, it's supposed to be chaotic, but it's just goofy. I don't know. I don't really know how else to describe it, but. Well, it's just, that's just this movie in general. Like I said, it's trying to have, um, sort of a slapstick thing. And then when I looked it up, I realized it was PG.
[00:27:21] So I guess that kind of makes sense why they're doing some of this stuff. Yeah. But it's just, it's so odd. Cause it kind of comes out of nowhere a lot of the time and then just is gone again. Yes, exactly. Yeah. It just pops up and then disappears. So we're, we've established our main guy. He's pretty handy in a bar fight, I guess is the idea. And then we get our roving gang that are moving in a big crowd with a car.
[00:27:48] And what's funny about the bad guy crew is that they only have one vehicle, but they drive fairly fast and the rest of the group, the bad guys just run behind the car all the time. Yeah. Every time you see them, they're sprinting behind the car in a cloud of dust. Well, what I bet life love is when they're chasing after him, cause he makes a break for it. And then Rat, who's the main guy is chasing him. He's got, like I said, in this car, this car, which is painted kind of funny.
[00:28:16] Again, this is a car that looks like it came out of sort of like the beach buggy kind of hot rod scene of the, of the mid late seventies. Yeah. Not look like it should exist in the eighties at all. No. But cause it's kind of, it's got kind of like this weird sort of tan and brown tiger stripe. It's like, it's almost to it. Yeah. And then it's like zebra colors, but like swirly. It's weird. Yeah. And then when they break, when they come out, it's the entire hood and windshield are covered.
[00:28:46] It's a convertible mind you, but the hood and windshield are covered in straw. Yeah. But they don't bother to clear first so that they're now trying to clear while they're driving along. And the guy like hops out of the back and hops into the front and then gets on the windshield starts pushing it all away and then falls off and we watch him and they just leave him behind. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like, why would you be doing that with your cronies in the wasteland? Like you need all the help you can get. It's so goofy. But these guys show up to our bag.
[00:29:16] I'm just going to call them the bad guys. Cause there's no images of people's thumbnails on the thing. And of course we can tell rats crew is about it, but yeah. Yeah. So they show up to this church and, or this big, um, this big stone buildings, big ornate. Sorry. I'm talking, this is a different thing. So yeah. So these guys are chasing Swan and then you've got this different group of all these bad guys. Sorry. I was getting them confused. Different group of bad guys that go to the church. So. Right.
[00:29:46] And these bad guys are the ones led by Mantis, who was our woman bodybuilder. Yeah. Right. So Mantis, I got to look it up. Tegan Clive. I, I'm just curious. She had to have showed up in something else because. Oh, she has. She's the Russian exercise woman in jumping Jack Flash. There you go. She was the alienator. That might be what you're thinking of. Yeah. Maybe mob boss. She was the bimbo cop in vice Academy part two. Yeah.
[00:30:17] Yeah. She, I was just like, she had, oh yeah, she's alienator. She's the one on the cover. She's the one on the cover of alienator. Yeah. Yeah. You're totally right. She's the alienator. Yeah. Okay. That's probably what you're thinking of. I've, I've never actually seen it, but she did alienator after this. So. Jan Michael Vincent. One of the best. Also, if you guys are looking for a real laugh, cause we're not that funny. I would check out my favorite Twitter on all time or X, whatever it's called. I know where you're going to call this. Is called air wolf for life with the number four.
[00:30:45] And there's a guy who pretends to be Jan Michael Vincent and it is hilarious. He's so funny. He did. I haven't looked at it in ages, but I assume he's still doing it. Even though Jan Michael Vincent died years ago. Oh yeah. No. And he just still keeps saying, you guys think I'm dead. I'm alive. But the latest thing I've seen, he's signing other people's baseball cards now. Like he'll get like an old baseball card and then he'll sign it. And then it'd be like, the last one was like, look at this jackass missing a ball on his own card or something like that.
[00:31:15] And he's like, sign for JNB. Like, it's so funny. He is a fun, it's a great account. I love that guy. He's got great humor. It is a funny account. Anyways, they show up to this church. Our girl, our muscle girl. Mantis. Mantis. No, Mantis. Tara's our beautiful French woman. That's right. So Mantis and crew show up to this church and there's all these monks out the front and they're, they do cut to the point in this movie. There's not much BS from what you can make out in the dialogue, but they basically say,
[00:31:45] let us in. We want the treasure. The monks say, nope, you'll have to kill us. You got to go through us. So they just open fire on the monks. Nothing happens to the monks. It's like their holograms or something. They don't get hurt. They don't sweat nothing. And then everybody leaves because they're like, the monks are too powerful. And that sets the stage for everything. But there's some kind of treasure inside this church and everybody wants it. The monks have been protecting it and the monks have supernatural powers. So pretty much the preacher, they all leave because they can't get in.
[00:32:14] And then the main priest, he kind of stumbles over, I guess it used a lot of his energy for him to protect the church at this point. And yeah, he falls and he collapses and essentially dies. Yeah. And he sets the stage because he says, I'm going to tell you a story about people who are going to save us. There's a woman with gold hair, a man named Swan. And then they just turn to this guy who's like this big brain looking kid named Panasonic,
[00:32:45] who is like... Well, Panasonic says the Japanese guy. Yeah. And so he's going to save them somehow. And he says, they'll all find each other and save the interzone. And what I want to point out is they bring up the term interzone. This is in the first half hour of the movie. The movie finishes, credits roll. I still don't know what the interzone was. Nope. Why it exists. It's just... Well, the interzone, I can only assume, is the realm. Like if...
[00:33:13] This would have been better off as a fantasy movie because... Yeah. Everyone kind of dresses that way and stuff. But yeah. So the interzone would be like the realm, I guess. It's the area where they are. It's called interzone for whatever reason. But it's like Mantis wants to... Like tries to convince one, we can rule the interzone together. It's like, what are you ruling? Yeah. It looks like some forest and a couple of enclaves of people. And for whatever reason, you... And you don't even know what the treasure is other than it's treasure. Yeah.
[00:33:41] You just want treasure for the sake of treasure. You guys aren't dragons. But they might as well be. So... Oh, man. I love Rain of Fire. Such a good movie. Yeah. Yeah. So we should maybe watch Rain of Fire. It was great. It was a good theater experience too. So I think the thing is too, is like Panasonic now, this monk guy who just has this giant swollen head. He just looks like he has a huge brain.
[00:34:08] He's sent on like this quest to find the golden hair girl and a guy named Swan who's going to save the interzone. But the thing is that Panasonic now starts walking. And he walks. Yep. And he walks. And he walks. And he walks. And music plays. And it's all these cross dissolves. And I was like, this is... The whole movie's just turned into... Virus. Yeah. A virus.
[00:34:38] A virus. Except it was done so much better. And then in this, there's no stakes involved. And I'm just like... It's like... So Panasonic's on a vision quest at this point. Just walking. And we don't know why or what he's doing. Yeah. And it goes forever. But thankfully it takes us further into the movie. He finally comes into a new town. And no, they just basically meet by happenstance. And then Panasonic starts talking to Swan telepathically. And he's like... Yeah. I can talk to you through this. And I'm like...
[00:35:07] Oh, is this because they just needed to change the lines? Or they didn't want to record? And I was like... Starship's invasions did this a lot better. They set up why they would talk telepathically. Well, and you find... Like none of the other monks talk at all. They're all telepathic too. Like they keep their mouths shut. Yeah. Panasonic eventually opens his mouth to prove to him that he can't actually talk. He can just do it both ways. And he can also read his mind. So... Yeah. Neat. It's like... That's about it. Yeah. Yeah. So they... Now they're together.
[00:35:38] It's Swan and Panasonic. And they're in Swan's car, which is this crappy little armored dune buggy. And they go into another town. And there's a guy running an auction for women. And our man Swan sees the blonde girl, Tara. And... This is the one time I laughed out loud. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Because they do a whole like Dreamweaver kind of sequence.
[00:36:05] And show them, you know, Swan and Tara running towards each other in slow motion after their eyes meet. It's so weird. And they keep cutting back and forth to it. And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, okay. But see, the problem is, is that was quite funny. And if the rest of the movie was... If this was... It's like it's trying to be an airplane or a top secret or something. Yeah. A sci-fi, a post-apocalyptic movie. But it doesn't do enough of it.
[00:36:31] And it's not self-aware enough to pull any of that off. So... Exactly. Yeah. But they still do this. And I get what... I get... When I had this moment is when I got, oh, I get what they're trying to do now. And it's just not working. But, yeah, I did kind of laugh at that. I just thought it was kind of funny because we just keep seeing them do this. Cut back and forth with this thing. But the problem is, is it also... There's so much padding in this movie. It's like they only had 56 minutes a movie.
[00:37:01] And they needed to make a 90-minute movie in the end. Yeah. So everything takes longer than it should. This movie is long, too. It's 97 minutes. This could be 75 minutes. It's like you said, it's just so much of this. But it all runs so slow. To be honest. Yeah. I think that the way that this is portrayed, these moments of... These funny moments. You're right. When we go to somewhere else, it's just shut off completely. It's not even slightly there.
[00:37:30] It's serious and there's something goofy. And it's serious. Yeah. Which maybe makes the goofier parts funnier. But it doesn't make the serious parts more enjoyable. You're like, come on, do another goofy bit. I'm sick of this. Basically, the way this plays out is Swan and Panasonic rescue the girl from this girl auction that's happening in town. Very much kind of looks like the auction that was in Genesis 2. Or no. Planet Earth. Planet Earth. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:38:00] And now they're this gang. And their job is to go after the treasure. Panasonic tells Swan. He's like, I've been sent. I'm looking for you. I know you're the man who can save us. You need to protect our treasure. And then Swan's just like, you know what? I'll do it. But you got to give me some of the treasure. And they're like, well, we don't know about. Okay, sure. Whatever. So they agree. So now. Nobody has asked what the treasure is at this point. Like, ever. Not at all. Just.
[00:38:29] But also, it kept me curious. Because I was like, oh, at least I'll find out. That'll be a surprise. Because again, we don't have a prologue. I don't know what this movie is about. I know nothing about the inner zone. There's enough. You're not going to know either, Sam. Exactly. There's enough poor filmmaking in this. That I thought it wasn't a coincidence. And there had to be something that was keeping me hooked. And right the way through. And there's a little payoff. But not that much. But anyway. So we get.
[00:38:58] Of course, now the Mantis and her crew catch up with the three of them. And they get into a car chase. And there's lots of. Like, how do you say this? It's just. There's lots of cutting back and forth. It's not an exciting car chase. But. No. They do launch somebody up and off a cliff in this car chase. And I was like. This is kind of like. Hard ticket to Hawaii. The way like Swan like fobs off these like crazy events and stuff.
[00:39:28] Where like big stupid stuff happens. And he's kind of like. Okay. Like. I almost believe it. Like that tone again. But it's like you said. It's an on and off switch. So then it just goes back to normal. And I'm like. Was that supposed to be funny? Or. I don't really know. But. Probably. But. If you're asking. You know it didn't work. Yeah. And like any good post-apocalyptic road movie. When things grind to a halt for a minute. We get a roadside. Stop overnight. Fireside story. Where we get the backstories for everybody.
[00:39:57] When we are able to take a breath. But. The difference is this movie isn't fast paced enough. Where I'm like. Oh. Things need to slow down. This is a good moment. I'm like. Oh God. Is this going to get slower? Or. But Panasonic essentially tells. Us. The viewer. He doesn't really tell Swan. But. He says. The gangs are trying to steal the treasure from the priests. And. This is why we need your help. And you're the only one we can do it. And then. We go back to Mantis. And. She tells. Everybody.
[00:40:27] She's standing next to this guy. And. They're at. Like. I guess Mantis and the bad guys have a. Have their own like castle. Or like stone building. That they live in. Their. Their hangout. Whatever. Which way. They have their own lair. Yeah. With. With the. With. Is it Gary? That's down there. What do they call that thing? I don't know. But I'm excited to get there. Because that was actually a pretty great moment. And. Basically. We cut to their crew. And. Mantis. She's standing there with this guy. And she says that.
[00:40:56] This man was bad in bed. He did not satisfy me. So it's time for the hole. And then. And I'm like what? And there's this little hole. In the side of the building. And there's a creature roaring in there. And they just throw him in. And they're all laughing. Yeah. Or whatever. And you're like okay. This is cool. This is interesting. And the guy screams. And that's it. But. That's how weird this movie is. So. Panasonic gives us another back story. I think it's about his childhood. Where. Rat.
[00:41:26] Kills his mother. Or something. While she's pregnant with him. Rat has a sword. I don't think it's his mother. I thought it was his. Brother maybe. Oh okay. So it's family. Yeah. I thought he said it was his. Rad driver. But yeah. Some vendetta. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not Rat. It's a different guy. Rat's sort of the big guy. The slaver guy who chases them. We'll get back to him in a minute. It's the guy with the sword. Yeah. By the list. By the names on IMDB. Because I have no idea. But yeah. And it's.
[00:41:55] They don't refer to each other by their names either. So how are we ever supposed to know who the hell. Swan's the only one whose name they mention over and over again. Panasonic gets mentioned once or twice. Yeah. I think General Electric gets mentioned once. Yeah. General Electric being our main place. General Electric's not even listed on the credits. It's because he dies in the first 15 minutes of the movie. And then he just becomes a disembodied ghost talking to Panasonic's. Randomly. And then you think like. Oh we're going to get something. About you know.
[00:42:25] Life after death. Or how this guy's spirit. Like he's. He's basically Obi-Wan Kenobi-ing him. And like you know. Use the force loot kind of thing. To help Panasonic along in his path. But Panasonic even says at one point. Like where are you? Yeah. And then they cut away. It's like. What? No. And then. So we're cutting back and forth. We find out that Mantis. She just kills people for the hell of it. In their lair. And feeds it to this thing. We don't really know what's going on. But then.
[00:42:54] Swan is agreed. And Panasonic's helping him. And the girl's with him. That they're going to go stop Mantis. Because they don't want him taking the treasure. So instead of going off the treasure themselves. They're just like. We're just. Instead of protecting the treasure. They're just going to stop Mantis. Kill Mantis and the crew. And they'll be done. So. They go there. And. They get captured. And. Then Mantis says. Okay. Swan. Swan. You're going to sleep with me. And. Oh no. If. You've skipped over the whole part.
[00:43:24] Where Rat comes back. Because he tries to get. His slaver girl back. Like this is while they're camped out. Right? Yeah. I did. But it's so. It's so dumb. You don't want to talk about how he makes them strip. And. Like this guy. This is the guy that chased them in the car. And stuff. And he vowed to kill him. Because he blew up. Because he trashed his car. On Rat to make him. Shoot him in. Shoot himself in the nuts. Yeah. Only he does. And he shoots the ground.
[00:43:54] But he thinks he might have shot himself in the nuts. And he's all worried. In the meantime. You know. Swan's able to get up. And pull a gun on him. And then. Makes him strip. I was wondering. His clothes off a cliff. And then we never see the character again. I was wondering. If Panasonic was making him think he shot himself in the nuts. And then he's checking. There's no blood. But we'd never know. It's so weird. We have no idea. Yeah. But again. Like he makes him strip down to just his underwear. Because he doesn't want to take off his underwear. Meanwhile. You know.
[00:44:24] Tara just finds all this hilarious. And. And the only reason why. This. You know. Panasonic is even able to help. Because Panasonic's off. Like. Picking maraschino cherries off a grapevine. And. And then. You know. Here's. Here's rat basically. Or here's Tara scream or something. Comes running back. And this all happens. And then they continue on their merry way. It was just like. So weird. And. So dumb. And. I want to bring it up. Because again.
[00:44:54] It annoyed me. So much. Yeah. I was just going to skip it. Because it's not entertaining. I know. So as like. But it annoyed me. And I have to bring it up. So now it's entertaining. For people to listen to. It's not entertaining. When it's not entertaining. You watch. But. Now you. Yeah. You made it. Entertaining. Good job. You saved it. I don't. Well. I don't know about that. But. Anyway. I had to get it out. It was a really dumb sequence. It bothered me. Yes. Yeah. Yes. So the three. I mean.
[00:45:23] It shows that the character comes back. But then. It's gone again. And does not come back. For nothing. Nothing. It is. Yeah. Absolutely nothing. None of this stuff makes sense. So. The three of them show up at Mantis's lair. And they get. Jumped. And they get captured. And then Mantis. Well. They get there because they're. They're pretending. That. Swan has captured Panasonic. Yeah. And he wants to. Kind of do this deal. And then like. Who's the girl? Oh. She's just some slaver girl I got.
[00:45:54] And. And. Like whatever. And then Mantis is like. Well I will take you as my lover. And if you. You can survive the night. Then. Yeah. Then maybe. It's like. What a night though. Yeah. Well. That's the thing. But it's. It's hilarious. Because he's essentially. Just kind of pledged his love to Terra. And then he's just like. Ditching her for. For Mantis. Like right off the bat. And. Terra's hooking up with the other guy. Now. Well. We've already seen.
[00:46:24] We've already seen Mantis. When she's. Dissatisfied. Unsatisfied. With a man. She throws him down in the hole. To see Gary. Like you said. Or whatever. The creature's name is. Apparently when she's satisfied. She throws him down in the hole too. So. Yeah. So then we have this horrible sequence. Where they immediately go. Into Mantis's room. Or. Lair. Or whatever. And she's feeding him stuff. And she has a. Well. First we. First we get her dancing. On the other side of like. Some kind of sheet or something.
[00:46:54] Like a scrim. So we. Yeah. So we still. See only see her silhouette. As she's doing these different poses. And moves. And then we cut to her. Like. To Swan blindfolded. And getting fed. Uh. And then he gets like. Like she peels a banana. And basically just shoves it in his mouth. She gives him a raw egg. And then he's going to eat that. And like. And a piece of. Raw fish or something. And he doesn't want to. And she opens a can of sardines. And she gives him a sardine. Sardine on a fork.
[00:47:22] And then she has a maraschino cherry on a fork. And she's trying to put it in his mouth. But she like stabs his lip. It's so bizarre. But. This whole scene is lit. Like it's a jewelry commercial. Or something. Like everything's in shadow. And it's blown out. They're macro lenses. It's so weird. To see this stuff. But. It almost feels like something from Hot Shots. Or something. It's so weird. That's the sort of thing they're going for. And it just doesn't work. Yeah. And then of course. It's the next morning. And.
[00:47:52] Mantis is not satisfied. Maybe she was. But she tells everybody. She's not. Oh I thought she said she was. He was. But he. If he can survive the night. If he can survive. Gary or Greg or whatever. The thing is down there. Yeah. Then he's okay. Then he'll be. He'll be fine. And he'll be suitable for her. Or something. This is. Well and truly. An hour into the movie. This is. I think there's 20 minutes left. Or something like this. But. Yeah. I got excited here. I was like.
[00:48:22] This is going to be the moment. The movie's cool. So she throws him down the tube. Well he kicks a different guy down. For actually. First they throw down a leg. Or something for. For him. He's not happy with it. And doesn't want it. Yeah. He throws it back first. And then. Then she's like. It's just an hors d'oeuvre. Right. So he takes it. Then. You know. Swan's getting ready to go down. But he kicks the other guy. In first. Yep. And then goes in after. Everybody's cheering and laughing. There's also a hunchback. In all this. Yes.
[00:48:51] Which is just. Worth mentioning. Because there's a funny moment with him later. But they're all standing around. And I was like. Funny is subjective by the way. Yeah. But they finally send Swan down there. And I got to remember. Like he's got a glove on his right hand. He's got this like. Shortcut motorcycle jacket. And they're trying to make him like said. Like Han Solo or something. Yeah. He slides down this ramp into this pit. And then he's in like a foot and a half of dry ice. And he reaches down. And it's like this stone pit.
[00:49:21] It looks like a dungeon straight out of. Well. Out of half the things we've already watched actually. Well. This whole thing to me just looked like the wish.com pit fight from Army of Darkness with the pit witch. I was like. This is it. He's just like Ash. Yeah. And then he reaches down into the dry ice. It's super well lit for being underground. But. Yeah. That's true actually. It's really well lit. I think this is the only part of the movie that has lighting. Everything else. Yeah. It's just daylight. It's. Yeah. And.
[00:49:50] He reaches down into the fog and pulls up an old side by side stoker. Like shotgun. I was like this. What? Like where did this come from? And. Yeah. It's just so perfectly. First time he pulls up like a skeleton hand. Yeah. Or arm. And then. But then he pulls up this gun. And it's like. Why. Why has no one else found this or been able to use this? Yeah. And he just. And he. And he just blasts this thing away from. 30 feet. Yeah. Because the creature Gary sits up. Yeah. And then Gary's not a great guy. Great looking creature. He's just a guy in a rubber suit.
[00:50:20] But when I say rubber suit. I'm not saying. Like a cool prosthetic. It's just a rubber. Suit. Like. Like a hazmat person would wear. Covered in slime. It's. It's pretty bad. In a mask of some kind. Yeah. Yeah. It's very obviously a mask. Because the eyes don't work right and stuff. Yeah. But. Yeah. And then Swan proceeds to shoot him twice from. Basically. Like the other side of an auditorium. Like. Yeah. They're not even close to each other. There's no fight. There's no nothing. It's just boom boom. And he's like. All right. He's dead. Let me out of here.
[00:50:49] Yeah. And everyone's like cheering. But then he comes to the. Swan makes it to the surface. And then a fight breaks out. And then this is the worst part of the music in the movie. It just. It's like a loop of like horrendous Commodore 64 music. I like. Yeah. And I don't. I like meaty stuff. And I like all that stuff. And it's great on the old games. But it doesn't work in a movie. And it's just horrible. Like it just goes on and on and on. And they eventually lose the fight.
[00:51:19] They get captured again. And the music's still playing. And then they've strung. A swan up on a chain. And then they have. Terra. In like an animal cage. And then they have a pressure pad. Under swan. And then they're going to whip him. It's like a Rube Goldberg kind of set up. It is. Like. And it's just. Because he's hanging in. It's like if he falls. He's going to drop onto this plate. And he's going to electrocute his girlfriend. But you have to remember.
[00:51:48] They don't have electricity. So the hunchback is running a hand crank generator. To keep everything electrified. Yeah. Yeah. It's so stupid. So like. Like how many volts is he pumping out? Like. Get nothing. Well I guess volts don't matter. But it's how many. He's not. He's not crank. He's not producing a lot of amps. Like it's not going to be enough to kill this. It's not going to be enough to. You know. Light a little. You know. Five watt bulb. It's just. It's just. Cranking it super slow. It's like.
[00:52:18] He's getting on an exercise cycle. And start pedaling like mad. It's the goofiest setup. And like the weirdest thing for bad guys to do. But. Yeah. The idea is they put swan through a lot of pain. And then. They whip him. Well they start whipping him. Yeah. And he can't hold on anymore. So he drops. Pressure pad. And in the worst rotoscoped lightning. We've. Electricity. We've ever seen in the history of the outer reels. Well.
[00:52:45] It's the same lightning we saw when they first tried to shoot everybody at the castle. And it's just like the blue lights kind of going over. The force field. Yeah. Yeah. And it looks so bad. But she gets fried in this. She gets fried. In this cage. And so now by way of his action she's dead because he couldn't hang on. He wasn't strong enough. Yeah. And that's kind of what happened. The music by the way doesn't stop. Then they all leave and they leave him there. That's it. And they're just left for dead. But the music finally stops.
[00:53:14] And then Panasonic shows up. I forget where he was or he was captured before. They were shooting arrows at him or whatever. But. That's right. They were shooting arrows at him and he got away I guess eventually. Yeah. They don't tell you how he got unchanged from the thought where they were shooting arrows at him. Yeah. And shooting arrows all around him by the way including one that was just below his nuts. Yeah. And. And. Yeah. Panasonic decides. Well he arrives. They've gone off to attack the church. They're on their final mission now. They're going to go and get the treasure.
[00:53:44] So they've left. Terra's dead. Swan's dying. Panasonic shows up and Panasonic talks to Swan through his head. Panasonic is holding Swan in his arms. And then he prays and he says I want the power to save them. And then we get thunder. We get lightning. We get smoke. And then this flash like a flash frame. And now Panasonic is like got his head split up and he's laying there. He's dying in Swan's arms.
[00:54:14] And Swan looks fine. He and Swan have swapped physical places. Yeah. Something that Panasonic. Panasonic has taken on all of Swan's injuries. Yep. And. Which is actually cool if everything else was. That was all right. I was like oh that's kind of neat. Yeah. And then you know Swan kind of loads up. And this is where he. He loads up and he throws a cannon in the back of the truck. And. And then this is where we get the vehicle.
[00:54:41] Which is why I thought you picked this movie in the first place. Because he's got. I was trying to remember what it is. But it's one of those little sort of. Six wheeled. I got us at the stage. It's an addict. It's an addict super chief is what it is. But. There you go. I was trying to figure out what it was. But it feels aquatic. So people know what. Because they're not going to know what the hell you're talking about. But we got us at the stage. One of those little six wheeled amphibious. Vehicles that every kid wanted in the 70s. I am constantly on the hunt for one of those by the way. They're hard to find. Well the best part.
[00:55:11] What I thought was so cool about this one. It didn't even have a steering wheel. It just had the two levers. Oh they're all like that. Yeah. Are they? Okay. Yeah. I've seen stuff that have steering wheels. And it's like that's not as cool. So to go back. Because Swan's on his last mission now. He's going to go and stop them from attacking the church. But he's got to gear up. So he shows up at this armory. Which is I guess at Mantis's castle or whatever. Yeah Mantis had an armory. Because he was going to try and blow it up before. And that's when he got caught. They dropped the net on him when he tried to blow it up. And he shows up. Right. And then he shows up.
[00:55:41] And there's a guard still there. Which he punches out. But I thought everybody left. But the guard's still hanging out by the armory. So he punches that. And then it's this gear up commando scene. He gets all these bullets, ammo, everything else. And then is the best shot. This is where I locked the most. So he gets all these weapons and gear. And then there's just a wide shot on a dirt road. And you see this little six by six. Ripping around the corner. Yep. And you see Swan sitting in it. And yeah again for you guys. It's an ADEX Super Chief.
[00:56:11] These were really popular in the 70s. If you just look up six by six ADEX. Meaning ATEX. They are an awesome little two strike gas engine. But they're not track drive. But they're polar drive. So like if you push one lever forward. It'll drive the left side three wheels. If you push the other forward. It'll drive the right. So to go forward. You push both levers forward. To go back. But if you want to spin on the spot. You know it's like a. Like an excavator or something. Yeah exactly. But these things are so funny.
[00:56:40] So in 1969. My dad built and designed. A two-stroke engine. That was completely. Assembled and disassembled. With the same size Allen hex bolt. And it was 150 cc. It was air cooled of course. But it used a Boltaco crank. And then he had a transmission. That he designed. That ran on detent balls. I'm not going to get into it. But it was a very cool transmission. Because you could actually. Take it apart horizontally. All motorcycle cases. And engines join vertically. And there's a seam.
[00:57:10] If you separate it. All your oil falls out. I'm nodding and agreeing along. Like I have any idea what you're saying. I'm describing with my hands. But an engine case for a dirt bike. Is two halves. And it bolts together. That holds all the components. Right. And so there's a gasket in the middle. And if you have to work on your bike. Or pull your transmission apart. And you open it up. All your oil falls out. So my dad designed and engineered this. Engine case. That worked horizontally. So if you wanted to work on it. You could unbolt it.
[00:57:40] And you could take the top off. All your oil stayed in there. Everything. So if you're out in the desert. You want to fix your bike or whatever. You could do that and service it. It was completely serviceable. Anyway. The reason I'm going here. Is because addicts. Got a hold of this. And really liked it. And they bought the patent off him. And I have the old. The patent title. And all the stuff from when they did. Ultimately they didn't do anything with it. But he built and designed this engine from scratch. It was very serviceable. And it made a lot of power for the time.
[00:58:09] And it was going to go in the addicts six by sixes. But they never actually ended up putting in there. But it was a pretty cool piece of history. Nice. Had no idea. Anyway. This movie is ridiculous. I was happy to see him in the six by six. In the addicts. Yeah. That made me laugh. It's so silly. You've caught yourself this. Your car is still around. By now you'll have seen this clip on the Instagram anyway. So you'll understand how goofy it looks. And correct me if I'm wrong.
[00:58:38] But he's put a cannon in the back of it. Right? He has a rocket launcher and a bunch of stuff in there. Like he's just stacked it in there. At some point he's got a cannon sticking out of the back. Maybe it was sticking out of the back of his car. And another part. I think it was that. I just remember it was like a full on cannon. I was like what is this? Anyway. Yeah. Sorry. No. It's so silly. But this is the end of the movie. They show up to the church. And Mantis and everybody there. Actually while he's doing all this.
[00:59:07] Mantis's guys are there. He's got a flamethrower. And he eventually just burns a hole in their psychic shield. Yep. And I'm like so you could have done this at any time. Yeah. Like. There's nothing just changed. Yeah. And then they all kind of run through it. And it's like when that hole happens all the monks run away. And I'm like. But everyone else is trying to run through the same hole in the shield. And I'm thinking. That shield's not there anymore. Right. Like. Yeah. Right. Like you just. It's like.
[00:59:37] Yeah. But instead all these guys have retreated back to the vault where they keep their treasure. Right. And. Yeah. So. Because. But. Because I thought while this was all going on. Swan was going to show up. And they're going to have this big fight in front of the church. No. And this will be really cool. No. No. No. He's just way too late. They fix that very easily because the monks are gone. Swan shows up in his six by six with all his guns and ammo. And then he just yells. Get out of here. And then all of the bad guys just run away.
[01:00:06] Except for Mantis. Most of them run away. Yeah. And then. And like one other guy. Yeah. That's the main. Her main dude. Right. Yeah. And then. So Swan fights him. That's pretty quick. And then of course the ultimate showdown. Mantis is standing in front of the vault door inside this old church. She's trying. She's trying to push it open with her giant muscles. Yeah. Not succeeding. No. Not at all. But she gets into a fight with Swan. Well this is where she says join me and we'll rule the interzone together.
[01:00:35] And then they proceed to fight. And she beats the crap up. And every time she hits him. She goes back to messing with the vault. And then she turns around and then clocks him again. It's like messing with the vault door. She does a jump kick on him at one point that I thought was hilarious. Because it's like he just stood up and he's coming at her again. And she just turns around and clocks him again. Yeah. She's like straight out of Mortal Kombat at this point. Yeah. And then. She gets. She has enough with him. Because she's trying to get in this vault. And he keeps annoying her. And he's like kind of beat up.
[01:01:04] And this is actually the best part of the movie. She pulls out a gun. And she's like just fed up. And she's like. This is the final chapter. And then points the gun at him. And he's like laying knocked out on the table. And so on. He's like. Depends on which book you read. And then he reaches and pulls a rocket launcher out. Yeah. Vaporizes her. Yep. It was great. And he blows up the door to the vault. Inadvertently. Yeah. Two birds with one stone. Now the vault's open.
[01:01:34] It's like finally. We actually are getting somewhere in the last 60 seconds of the movie. I didn't know what was going to be in there. Maybe I didn't expect this. But I was kind of like okay with it. I was like. It looked like they had a bunch of mannequins and stuff. Instead of like. I know it's supposed to be art. You know. There's. Basically they're supposed to have like the contents of the Louvre in there. Yeah. And saving everything from mankind. But. It's.
[01:02:02] They just mostly look like mannequins and things. And cheap stuff. Yeah. They're meant to be old like Greek statues. Roman marble. All sorts of stuff like that. Yeah. Exactly. And then there's a TV and he manages with a little. One of those built in VCR TV combos. That's about. With like a four inch screen. And he kind of watches this thing. With a terrible voiceover. He's. You got to remember. We still don't know when this movie is. But we're imagining at this point. Swan has never seen a TV or a VCR in his life. Right. No. Never. No.
[01:02:32] But he reaches down. He picks up the remote. It's covered in buttons. And he presses one button. And a tape starts playing. And the TV's on by the way. Just stand by. Waiting for somebody to come in and press play. And we get. Well they have electric lights in there too. Somehow. Yeah. Right. Maybe the hunchback kind of guy is like. Oh speaking of the hunchback. He does a really weird thing just before this fight happens. He shows up. Looks at Swan. He points to his chest. And then he just explodes. Well before that he gets an arrow into his hump for some reason. Yeah. I feel that. Yeah.
[01:03:02] He doesn't feel. But yeah. He just. And he just. I thought Swan blew him up. But I guess maybe he didn't. I think he's self detonates. I don't know. Yeah. Don't know. Super weird. But. Yes. Finally the tape is playing. There's 30 seconds left in the movie. And Swan sits down. And then he presses play on this little CRT TV. And an explosion comes up. And then. And then a voiceover. I was like. We got our prologue. It's just at the tail of the damn movie. Yeah. Which is actually kind of. I mean it's different.
[01:03:31] And then the prologue of course shows a nuclear bomb going off. And it says. This is the year zero. For earth of the great Magnus destroyed everything. All will be ashes. Thus testimony will show us how we used to live. Here you can read. Learn and gather all information on how we lived. And yeah. It's just a bunch of statues and art and stuff like that. And I mean that's it. But then.
[01:03:59] Well and then the monks say that the treasure is needed to make. To basically rebuild humanity or civilization or whatever. Because they show back up. And they're all there. And they're grateful for Swan. In the cave he turns around. And then they say. This is what we're protecting. Without our past. There is no future. Swan. And he's like. You better take what you wish. Yeah. And then he says. I had a friend. And a woman. I loved them.
[01:04:29] And then all those priests just start waving at him. I was like. Take the damn CRT. Like take the. Like. What are you doing? So he doesn't want anything. He leaves. He's upset. Because. You know. Tara and Panasonic are dead. And so. Now we cut to him. And we've got a grave. With a marker. With the thinnest writing. That you can see on two sticks. It wasn't even legible. No. It says Panasonic. And. So Panasonic's been buried.
[01:04:59] But he's holding Tara in his arms. And I'm like. Wait. Wait. She died before Panasonic. Like what the hell's going on here? And he's just been carrying her body around? Like. Yeah. Well I just pulled her out there. And I guess he's getting. Because. I think you're supposed to think. He just hasn't worked it up. To bury her yet. Right. But. He's holding her in her arms. And then suddenly she wakes up. It's like. No idea why. There's no explanation. As to how she's alive. She seems shocked by it.
[01:05:29] And then. Uh. And then they start kissing. And I'm like. Oh. Are. Are they going to get it on. On Panasonic's grave? Because this is. This. And then no. They get up. And they walk over to the car. But. I was just like. What the hell? Yeah. She warmed up yet still. Like. Cause she'd be dead. For like a half a day. Like. Oh. Easily. At least. And. Yeah. Credits roll. They drive off. Yeah. Credits to roll. I don't know man. How do you fix it?
[01:05:59] Dude. You don't. That's a tough question. You just walk away from this. Um. There isn't even anything really kind of. Cool story wise. Or anything. It's just. It's a mess. So. You just kind of let it go. The most interesting. What you do. You. By fixing is you find a better movie. To put Petra's ring in. What you do. There you go. Clearly. You're going to be all over her back catalog now. I'm sure. There is no back catalog. Yeah. She's still only rated. Uh.
[01:06:28] 230,000. On the thing. I mean. She's in zombie three. For God's sake. Like. Yeah. Watch that. And. She's got 15 movies. Or 15 credits. But whatever. She's just very very pretty. The most interesting part in this movie. Is the idea of these priests. Keeping this vault. Keeping this safe. You don't know what's in there. There's treasure. And it turning out to be just. History of the world. And they're just curating it. Mm-hmm. To make sure when time comes. And the world stabilizes. They can bring all this out again. And say. Hey. This is where we came from.
[01:06:58] This is what we used to be. It's good. But that part is great. It's just a very small component of the movie. And everything else around it is just goofy. And so good. Like I said. It was filmed in 1986. But not ultimately released till 1989. That is the one and only piece of trivia. Thank you IMDB. Where do you get it? Like I said. It's a true out of real. It's lost in all formats. Other than original VHS releases. If you find a DVD.
[01:07:27] It's just a VHS rip. I haven't seen a real version of it anywhere. You can purchase right now. A used DVD of it. From vintage shack.com for $12.99. But no Blu-ray. No features. There's nothing on that. If you're so inclined that you need this on VHS. Because this is a good VHS movie. Because it just. That's. Again. That's where it's going to die. So. If you have this tape. This is. Almost like. The tape of this movie.
[01:07:56] Would be what would be inside the priest's cave. Because. This is the last thing. Right? Right. If I was going to read into it that much. But. For $59.95. You can find yourself a sealed copy. Of this on eBay. Sealed. Okay. That makes sense. Most likely nobody opened it. Because nobody wanted to watch it. That's the only way I could understand it. Yeah. We did watch this on YouTube. There's abundant different copies on that. And. Wonderfully enough. Even the thumbnail.
[01:08:26] For the one that I watched. Was stretched. And not the correct aspect right here. So I did get a laugh out of that. I. Yeah. I. I think this movie is going to die there. And so that's. That's kind of why we do the show. Right? We're trying to find these movies. True. Outer real. To talk about them. And we truly truly watch this. So you don't have to. Enjoy the clips that I put on Instagram. Because I always try and put the best bits on there. And save you guys all the extra work. That said. Jason. I have to give you credit for this.
[01:08:57] IMDb. 3.9 out of 10. For 518. Well I like the low view. The low review count on that. It's pretty good. But 3. Yep. 3 is almost high for me. I don't. I think that's too high for this movie. Yeah. Well. Get ready for Letterboxd. Okay. So. 2.9 out of 5 on Letterboxd. Which is a 5.2. No sorry. That's a 5.8. Yeah. That's high. Which is way high.
[01:09:25] And for 710. 710. 710. So another nice low one. You got that. Yeah. It's. Was that 710 likes or views? Or what is the watches? 710 views. 143 likes. Okay. Ratings. It's got one fan. So. I like that. But there's. Yeah. But there's a number of ratings on here that I'm seeing. One and a half. One and a half. Then there's a guy with three and a half. Yeah.
[01:09:55] Another one with three. Another one with two. And that's. That's how you get your average. Yeah. But. Um. Yeah. This. This is it. This is like a. 1.5. Maybe. Like. It's pretty rough. It. Yeah. It's. It's not good. Um. When I was. Truly. We watched it. So you don't have to. When I was entertained. I was entertained. But they were. Like. Yep. Three second moments. There's nothing collectively across the board. The greatest bit. Again.
[01:10:24] Is these priests have a force field around their church. Yeah. And there's treasure hidden there. We don't know what it is. And then it's revealed. It's kind of cool. Everything else around the movies throw away. That core component could be good. Because you. It's not. Uh. It's not tonally specific. So you can have a really dark version of this movie. You can have a comedy or whatever. It's not. And I have to give him credit for trying to do a comedy. Because. Uh. That sort of movie is hard. Especially if you throw a genre into it as well. Yeah. And they didn't succeed.
[01:10:54] But you got to give him credit for trying. Yeah. And I. I should also mention too. That. One of the. The more important factors about this movie is. This movie is produced by Joe DeAmato. Okay. So you would know him as the director of Texas Gladiators 2020. Or. The year after that. The director of The Wonderful Endgame. So. Right. There you go. The. These. These movies travel in circles. It's the same people ever. But. Joe DeAmato has like. 300 credits.
[01:11:24] And he's produced so much stuff. And he's in the mix. Well and truly. Um. Yeah. That's all I could say about this. I don't know what else. No. I got. I. I would like to move on. Thank you. Okay. Well. On that note. Thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you Jason for joining us. I'm sorry about this one. I'm sure you will get your revenge soon. But. Oh. I'm getting my revenge next week. My friend. Oh God. I know. I saw that already. I'm not excited. Nice. Nice. Yeah. Well we can preamble it. Nice Canadian classic of the shape of things to come.
[01:11:55] PG-13 goodness. It's called. H.G. Wells. The shape of things to come. And I can tell you already. And I haven't even seen it yet. It has nothing to do with H.G. Wells. That's amazing. And it's Canadian. This is amazing. This is an amazing plot. Yeah. But there is a shape of things to come movie that is based on H.G. Wells novel that I have a criterion version of and it is very good. And it's from, I want to say the late 30s. But yeah, this movie is from 79. Will not be it.
[01:12:25] Mm-hmm. Yeah. Does have Jack Palance though. Oh, I love Jack Palance. Mm-hmm. He was. The redeeming quality right there. That's great. I am excited because I'm just excited to keep moving forward as we do this. But anyways, thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you for watching. Thank you for Jason for enduring this. And we will see. I will have my revenge. That's right. Of course, anything truly but Casino. And we will see you guys at the movies. Bye-bye.
[01:12:55] Therefore, whatever appears on the television screen emerges as raw experience for those who watch it. Therefore, television is reality. And reality is less than television.